


ice gays

by LuckyStarship



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character, But A Little More Lowkey, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Chris Is Sexy Squad Dad, Christophe//JJ Is An On-And-Off Thing, Drunk Texting, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, For Certain Reasons, Gays on Ice, Georgi Is A Loser, Humor, JJ Is Dating Both Christophe And Isabella With Their Knowing Consent, JJ and Christophe Are A Thing With Their Partners' Knowing Consent, Male-Female Friendship, Memes, Mila and Emil Are Resident Memers, Minami Is The Biggest Fanboy, Multi, Mystery Man Has A Name And It's Jonas, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Phichit Chulanont, Plisetsky Is 17, Polyamory Negotiations, References to Canon, Seung Gil Lee Shall Remain Alone Romantically But He's Got Good Friends, So Is Phichit, Texting, Trans Female Character, Transgender Sara Crispino, Tumblr Memes, We Don't Know Why But Georgi And Mila Being Best Friends Is Very Important To Us, save georgi from the authors' insistence in making him the butt of every joke, that's the plan at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8785825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyStarship/pseuds/LuckyStarship
Summary: There's an esteemed academy dedicated to ice-skating somewhere in Alaska. It's open to all nationalities, religions, and more. A certain group of students has a group chat entitled 'ice gays.'It's Mila's idea.





	1. ice gays

**Author's Note:**

> hey ANOTHER text-centered book by Luca and Mike call the goddamn press
> 
> the usernames are as follows
> 
> natasharomanoff--mila (bc to us she looks like natasha romanoff)  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> memetastic--emil  
> icetiger--yuri  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> viktory--viktor  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> neukdae--seung-gil lee  
> ghji--guang-hong ji  
> leomusica--leo  
> chickennuget--minami  
> thehandomestprince--georgi  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> theogkingjj--jean-jacques
> 
> any non-english words/terms will be in the notes below!

   Group: **icesquad**

 **natasharomanoff:** important. yakov has stopped talking long enough.

 **phiphiphichit:** i’m in the middle of class mila

 **natasharomanoff:** DO I CARE???

 **natasharomanoff:** NO

 **ghji:** omg

 **leomusica:** please dON’t

 **ghji:** i’m

 **ghji:** why

 **natasharomanoff:** i’m bored pls help me out

 **twinpeaks:** im right next to u

 **twinpeaks:** you can literally just talk to me

 **natasharomanoff:** sara pls

 **phiphiphichit:** if you’re going to spam my phone again at least spam only the most fantastic of memes

 **memetastic:** I HEARD MEMES

 **leomusica:** he comes

 **finestasscat:** whos coming

 **leomusica:** christ

 **leomusica:** christ is coming, christophe. get ur bible ready

 **neukdae:** bored.

 **ghji:** i’m outside lol

 **finestasscat:** are you saying i only came for christ

 **natasharomanoff:** don’t come for anyone, christophe

 **natasharomanoff:** in both senses of the word.

 **icetiger:** what the FUCK

 **natasharomanoff:** awww hey yuri

 **icetiger:** WHAT DID I COME BACK TO

 **icetiger** has left the chat

 **neukdae:** conversation not going as planned.

 **phiphiphichit:** does it ever though??

 **memetastic:** so yeah i got some rare pepes and a kermit meme

 **phiphiphichit:** your ironic appreciation for the dead pepe meme continues to impress me

 **ghji:** but i love pepe

 **leomusica:** same

 **phiphiphichit:** so dead

 **finestasscat:** does anyone know where jj is

 **twinpeaks:** prbly dead

 **heymickeyursofine:** No he’s kissing the prof’s ass as we speak

 **natasharomanoff** has added **icetiger** to the chat

 **icetiger:** WHY

 **natasharomanoff:** bc we are your friends

 **icetiger:** i have approximately (1) friend you hag

 **natasharomanoff:** i'm sure yuuko is happy to hear that

 **icetiger:** yuuko doesn’t even GO HERE

 **ghiji:** it’s otabek right

 **natasharomanoff:** i know this of course i was just joking

 **finestasscat:** im offended that you dont consider me your friend yuri

 **icetiger:** die

 **memetastic:** i still have memes, ano?

 **heymickerursofine:** No

 **memetastic:** MICKEY!!!!!!

 **heymickeyursofine:** Ciao now stop waving your arms aggressively you’re going to knock into the person next to you

 **phiphiphichit:** where’s everyone else

 **twinpeaks:** jj is occupied, yuuri and viktor are on their date, georgi is still angsting, idk about otabek

 **leomusica:** still?

 **twinpeaks:** yeah he’s

 **twinpeaks:** he’s pretty beat up about it

 **natasharomanoff:** he’s crying into his coffee again

 **leomusica:** ah.

 **finestasscat:** poor man

 **icetiger:** it’s getting annoying tbh

 **memetastic:** memes will cure his soul

 **ghji:** can’t he just date someone else?

 **natasharomanoff:** honey

 **natasharomanoff:** no

 **neukdae:** what is jj doing.

 **phiphiphichit:** kissing ass

 **neukdae:** no

 **neukdae** has sent **whatishedoing.jpg**

 **neukdae** has sent **legsarenotsupposedtobendthatway.jpg**

 **memetastic:** what

 **finestasscat:** that looks

 **finestasscat:** so painful

 **fineasscat:** but im glad to know he can bend that way

 **icetiger:** STOP

 **icetiger:** OTABEK WHERE YOU AT SAVE ME FROM THESE PEOPLE

 **heymickeyursofine:** Ragazzino. Please stop screaming

 **icetiger:** don’t you fucking ‘small boy’ me

 **icetiger:** my name is YURI

 **natasharomanoff:** love me some yuri

 **icetiger:** i’ll kill you

 **ghji:** please refrain from murdering one another on the ice

 **ghji:** also refrain from murdering one another with their ice skates

 **icetiger:** they are my knife shoes fuck you

 **twinpeaks:** yeah speaking of skates does anyone know where mine are

 **katsudon:** They’re in my dorm!

 **twinpeaks:** yuuri!! thank you!!

 **phiphiphichit:** guys i’m going to l eave for a few minutes brb

 **leomusica:** how’s the date

 **katsudon:** We’ve been waiting in line for 2 hours.

 **neukdae:** your patience is admirable.

 **finestasscat:** nice to see some dedication

 **katsudon:** It’s okay we’re talking. Viktor’s about to go online

 **icetiger:** дерьмо

 **natasharomanoff:** watch your language young man

 **icetiger:** this conversation is in a butt

 **katsudon:** Wait it’s what

 **finestasscat:** in a butt oyu say

 **twinpeaks:** yuri that’s not the way you say it in english

 **natasharomanoff:** yeah

 **neukdae:** what.

 **natasharomanoff:** he tried to translate something in russian too literally yuri the proper way to say that is UP SHIT CREEK

 **icetiger:** I DON’T KNOW I FUCKING HATE ENGLI SH

 **ghji:** tbh?? same

 **memetastic:** i love english because most memes are in english

 **leomusica:** omg

 **viktory:** hey!!

 **natasharomanoff:** viktor!!

 **finestasscat:** (●´ω｀●)

 **icetiger:** chris i’m not joking i swear to fucking god i'm blocking you if you do that shit again

 **katsudon:** Oh dear

 **heymickeyursofine:** I’m just saying we should probably pay attention to Yakov he looks like he is about to scream again

 **neukdae:** boring.

 **viktory:** lee, you’re supposed to be the mature one! although yakov is boring

 **twinpeaks:** tbfh

 **katsudon:** You probably should pay attention though

 **icetiger:** i came here to skate not to take english lessons

 **natasharomanoff:** you need them

 **icetiger:** no i do nOT YOU FUCK I FUCKING HATE ENGLISH

 **finestasscat:** anybody else want lunch

 **memetastic:** pls

 **ghji:**??? what kind

 **icetiger:** FUCK ENGLISH

 **finestasscat:** pizza

 **heymickeyursofine:** Yeah can you get the one with the weird pepperoni

 **finestasscat:** you mean salami

 **heymickeyursofine:** Salami

 **viktory:** i want pizza but being here with yuuri is fine ^^

 **icetiger:** WHO NEEDS ENGLISH I’M GREAT AT RUSSIAN I AM SO GREAT AT RUSSIAN AND DON’T NEED ENGLISH

 **katsudon:** Aw Viktor ^^

 **memetastic:** i want bacon

 **twinpeaks:** ew no bacon

 **memetastic:** you are unnatural wtf

 **icetiger:** I WANT TO SKATE. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN CLASS ALL DAY DOING NOTHING LIKE LEARNING ENGLISH

 **leomusica:** can you get stuffed crust?

 **ghji:** ooh stuffed crust

 **natasharomanoff:** STUFFED CRUST PLEASE!!!

 **finestasscat:** omg chill guys i only have so much money

 **neukdae:** can we have three cheeses too.

 **twinpeaks:** yeah!!!!

 **memetastic:** but i don’t like three cheese

 **natasharomanoff:** me neither tbh

 **icetiger:** I ONLY HAVE A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME UNTIL I BECOME THICK AND NOT-PRETTY SO I’D LIKE TO SKATE INSTEAD OF, I DON’T KNOW, LEARNING ABOUT ENGLISH VERBS??? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY THINK I’M HERE FOR

 **katsudon:** Why don’t you guys get 2 pizzas and have both half-in-half with what you guys want?

 **finestasscat:** oh yeah!! thanks yuuri ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ

 **ghji:** you’re so smart yuuri!

 **viktory:** ahhh my boyfriend is so cute and a genius <3

 **heymickeyursofine:** Literally all he said was get 2 pizzas

 **memetastic:** shhhh you’re ruining the romance mickey

 **twinpeaks:** like always

 **natasharomanoff:** WHOOOO BURN

 **heymickeyursofine:** SARA WHY

 **twinpeaks:** iM SORRY I WAS JO KING

 **icetiger:** AND IT’S ABSOLUTE FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT I HAVE TO TAKE ALL THESE CLASSES JUST TO STAY HERE AND SKATE LIKE I DON’T REQUIRE A SCIENCE DEGREE TO FUCKING PUT ON SKATES AND DO A COUPLE OF JUMPS

 **thehandsomestprince:** wait are we getting pizza

 **natasharomanoff:** i see you emerged from your woes georgi

 **thehandsomestprince:** pizza

 **finestasscat:** yeah you sound like you need pizza

 **leomusica:** what do u want on it though

 **thehandsomestprince:** bell peppers?

 **memetastic:** YAS

 **ghji:** ew

 **viktory:** oh i think our line is moving now!!

 **katsudon:** Yeah! Talk to you guys later!

 **neukdae:** bye.

 **icetiger:** AND YAKOV KEEPS SAYING THAT STUFF LIKE SCIENCE AND ASTRONOMY AND ENGLISH ARE ALL VITAL TO SKATING AND I’M JUST??? AT WHAT POINT AM I GOING TO STOP ON THE ICE AND SAY “ah yes i sure do love how f(x) = e; e-1; e x  helps me skate”

 **phiphiphichit:** IM EMERGING JUST TO SAY BYE AND ALSO PLEASE PUT ITALIAN SAUSAGE ON THE PIZZA bye

 **leomusica:** adios amigos

 **ghji:** have fun!!!

 **twinpeaks:** yeah hope you two have fun!!!

 **memetastic:** oh yeah i forgot the italian sausage

 **finestasscat:** i think i got everything down i’m on my way to order

 **thehandsomestprince:** what,,,, is JJ doing

 **natasharomanoff:** been doing that for the past twenty minutes dude

 **natasharomanoff** has sent **asskisser.jpg**

 **heymickeyursofine:** WOW

 **icetiger:** ARE YOU FUCKERS FUCKING IGNORING ME

 **leomusica:** so i made a new song today on my computer

 **ghji:** can i come over and hear it?

 **leomusica:** yeah!

 **twinpeaks:** ur getting better!!

 **thehandsomestprince:** anya used to make music

 **natasharomanoff, twinpeaks, leomusica,** and **neukdae** have left the chat

 **thehandsomestprince:** oh

 **heymickeyursofine:** Please don’t

 **memetastic:** not again

 **memetastic** has added **twinpeaks, neukdae, natasharomanoff** and **leomusica** to the chat

 **ghji:** georgi i know you’re sad but

 **ghji:** like

 **ghji:** pls

 **natasharomanoff:** you need to Move On

 **thehandsomestprince:** i can’t

 **neukdae:** it’s been 8 months.

 **twinpeaks:** i know its sad but georgi da cosa nasce cosa and suddenly anya is all u talk about

 **icetiger:** da cosa what

 **heymickeyursofine:** One thing leads to another

 **icetiger:** oh

 **natasharomanoff:** look what i got dumped by mr swedish coffee guy i started dating sara and now everything’s good

 **natasharomanoff:** i’m gay and everything is fine

 **thehandomestprince:** but i’m not gay

 **leomusica:** he is the token straight friend

 **ghji:** true

 **neukdae:** but i’m straight too.

 **twinpeaks:** u sure

 **neukdae:** mostly.

 **memetastic:** at least he’s honest lmao

 **natasharomanoff:** we’re 99% gay

 **icetiger:** ugh

 **ghji:** leo, jj, mila, yuuri and mickey are all bi/at least interested in the opposite sex and georgi and lee are (probably) straight so yeah about 46.6667% straight  if we count the fact that leo mila jj yuuri and mickey could enter a straight relationship if they felt like it

 **icetiger:** so could i????

 **ghji:** 53.3333%

 **ghji:** 53.3333% straight

 **thehandsomestprince:** wrong because mila leo yuuri and mickey are in relationships so 11/15 means this chat is 73% gay

 **leomusica:** talk math to me

 **memetastic:** so are you saying we

 **memetastic:** got 20% gayer

 **icetiger:** is that a fucking my little pony reference you fucking jackass

 **heymickeyursofine** has removed **memetastic** from the chat

 **twinpeaks:** fratello

 **heymickeyursofine:** Ugh fine

 **heymickeyursofine** has added **memetastic** to the chat

 **memetastic:** 20% gayer

 **heymickeyursofine:** No

 **memetastic:** ok

 **leomusica:** isn’t it technically 73.3333% gayer

 **memetastic:** i think so

 **neukdae:** 됐거든.

 **icetiger:** what

 **neukdae:** stop saying math my brain is hurting.

 **twinpeaks:** RELATABLE

 **memetastic** has changed the group chat name to **20% gayer**

 **heymickeyursofine:** Oddio

 **thehandomestprince:** bye

 **natasharomanoff:** we do need a group name though

 **ghji:** like what?

 **natasharomanoff:** still thinking

 **finestasscat:** pizza is here

 **leomusica:** sHUT UP

 **memetastic:** HOW

 **neukdae:** how did you get it so fast?

 **finestasscat:** cashed in on a few favors

 **finestasscat:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **twinpeaks:** omg

 **memetastic:** well thanks for the pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **icetiger:** i’m glad i’m not eating this pizza that sounds fucking disgusting

 **thehandsomestprince:** a pizza won over from a sexual favor...

 **natasharomanoff:** i swear to god if you link this to anya in any way i’m coming across the room and smacking you idec what yakov will say

 **finestasscat:** omg it wasn’t a sexual favor

 **heymickeyursofine:** YOU DON’T JUST SEND THAT FACE IF ITS A REGUL ARFAVOR

 **altinjurek:** what did i just walk back into

 **icetiger:** BEK SAVE ME FROM THESE PEOPLE

 **ghji:** chris where you at

 **finestasscat:** meet me in the quad for free pizza

 **leomusica:** free pizza summons me

 **leomusica:** someone needs to wake up phichit

 **twinpeaks:** i got it

 **twinkpeaks:** nevermind

 **twinpeaks** has sent **nyoom.jpg**

 **memetastic:** never seen someone run so fast for pizza

 **altinjurek:** pizza???

 **finestasscat:** come get some

 **thehandsomestprince:** did you bring drinks

 **ghji:** is it stuffed crust?

 **icetiger:**....does it have three cheeses

 **finestasscat:** no yes yes

 **memetastic:** alrighto lets go fuck yeah

 **twinpeaks:** yay!!! i’ll get drinks!

 **natasharomanoff:** TO THE QUAD

 **neukdae:** i guess

 **icetiger:** i’ll have some if you will otabek

 **altinjurek:** әрине

\--

 **theogkingjj:** DON’T LEAVE AND HAVE PIZZA WITHOUT ME WTF

 **phiphiphichit:** that was 4 hours ago

 **theogkingjj:** WHY DIDN'T YOU GUYS COME AND GET ME

 **twinpeaks:** you were too busy kissing ass

 **theogkingjj:** Rude

 **katsudon:** Oh yeah how was the pizza?

 **phiphiphichit:** it was great i died and went to vaikuntha

 **katsudon:** Lol was it really that good?

 **twinpeaks:** yeah it was gr8 emil stuck four slices in his mouth at once and christophe balanced one of the boxes on his nipples

 **theogkingjj:** BUT YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME

 **phiphiphichit:** its ok i think chris saved you a slice

 **phiphiphichit:** maybe

 **finestasscat:** i ate it

 **theogkingjj:** That’s alright I guess. I am a busy man, after all B)

 **phiphiphichit** has left the chat

 **twinpeaks:** SAME

 **leomusica:** so guang just tried to do two triple salchows in a row but he landed on his face and he’s alright but now he’s crying what do i do

 **finestasscat:** heal him with a kiss

t **heogkingjj:** I can take him to the hospital

 **leomusica:** he says he’s fine i don’t think he needs a hospital but he’s still crying

 **twinpeaks:** bring him to the nurse

 **natasharomanoff:** ICE GAYS

 **katsudon:** What

 **natasharomanoff:** that’s going to be our new chat name

 **twinpeaks:** hello to you too

 **natasharomanoff:** sorry babe love you xoxoxoxo

 **natasharomanoff:** we are gay and on ice therefore we are ice gays

 **theogkingjj:** I kind of like 20% gayer though

 **natasharomanoff** has added **phiphiphichit** to the chat

 **natasharomanoff:** should we change the gc name to ice gays

 **phiphiphichit:** absolutely

 **leomusica:** ice gays sounds great

 **katsudon:** Haha ^^

 **thehandomestprince:** but i’m not gay

 **natasharomanoff:** ICE GAYS IT IS

 **natasharomanoff** has changed the group name to **ice gays**

 **finestasscat:** beatiful

-

Group: **not gay**

 **thehandomestprince:** so the other group chat is now ice gays

 **neukdae:** oh.

 **thehandomestprince:** should we ask them to change it to icesquad again

 **neukdae:** i don’t care about the name tbh.

 **icetiger:** only you do

 **chickennugget:** can you guys add me to the chat!!!!

 **thehandsomestprince:** HOW DID HE GET IN HERE AGAIN

 **chickennugget:** the group chat name has been the same for two weeks and i saw it on yuri’s phone!!!!!!!!!!

 **neukdae** has left the chat

 **icetiger:** HOW DO YOU EVEN

 **icetiger** and **thehandomestprince** have left the chat

 **chickennugget:** i just want to be with yuuri :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we sure do hope this is funny
> 
> TRANSLATION--
> 
> ano--yes  
> ciao--hello  
> ragazzino--small boy  
> дерьмо--shit  
> 'in the butt'--Russian colloquialism which is the equivalent of 'up shit creek'  
> Da cosa nasce cosa--One thing leads to another  
> Fratello--brother  
> 됐거든--Please don't say anything else  
> Oddio--Oh god  
> әрине--in this tense, it means 'sure'  
> Vaikuntha--in Vaishnava (which is a branch of Hinduism) this is sort of like Heaven.
> 
> please review!!!


	2. #toothirstyfornotes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case they were forgotten--
> 
> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> natasharomanoff--mila  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> memetastic--emil  
> icetiger--yuri  
> viktory--viktor  
> neukdae--seung-gil lee  
> ghji--guang-hong ji  
> leomusica--leo  
> thehandomestprince--georgi  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> chickennugget--minami

 Group: **ice gays**

 **leomusica:** AIGHT SO IM LAYING DOWN AND RE AD INGMY BOOK AND I CAN HEAR JJ BANGING HIS GF NEXT DOOR AN DTHATS COOL IM USED TO IT AND THENIFUKI CNG HEAR HIM CALLING CHRISTOPHESCNAME INTHEM IDDLE OF IT AND I THINK SHE JU TS LEFTIM LAUGH IGN

 **ghji:** ITS TRUE IM RIGht heRE AND SHES ANGRY AND HES CRYING

 **thehandsomestprince:** what kind of problematic bullshit

 **theogkingjj:** LAUGH HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT UR JUST MAD I GET ALL THE CHICKS

 **leomusica:** pachuco im not jealous of u im actually very sad for u bc u cant realize how gay u are and just get w/ chris

 **theogkingjj:** I’m not gay

 **ghji:** lets ask our resident straight man, he has straightdar

 **ghji:** georgi is jj straight

 **thehandsomestprince:** nah

 **theogkingjj:** WTF THE FUCK

 **altinjurek:** it’s not just jean-jacques they’re both problematic

 **ghji:** can’t stay with one person

 **ghji:** no commitment

 **phiphiphichit:** you mean like JJ has no commitment to his girlfriend?

 **leomusica:** BURN

 **natasharomanoff:** DAMN

 **theogkingjj:** HEY YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY PHICHIT

 **thehandsomestprince:** actually we don’t know. you never tell us about any of the people in your life, only you, because as far as we’re concerned your head shoved so far up your own damn ass you can see your own food digesting

 **phiphiphichit:** ABSOLUTELY ROASTED

 **icetiger:** I WANT IN ON THIS

 **icetiger:** UNDERCUT SO DAMN UGLY AND UR SO PROBLEMATIC NOT EVEN TAYLOR SWIFT WOULD WRITE A BREAK-UP SONG ABOUT YOU

 **altinjurek:** ...

 **icetiger:** no otabek your undercut is just fine

 **natasharomanoff:** GET REKT JJ

 **theogkingjj:** I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

   Group: **JJ roast chat**

 **natasharomanoff** has added **memetastic, twinpeaks, heymickeyursofine, phiphiphichit, thehandsomestprince, neukdae, altinjurek, viktory, katsudon, icetiger, leomusica, ghji** and **finestasscat** to the chat

 **natasharomanoff:** whats the most problematic/narcisstic/embarassing thing jj has ever done

 **memetastic:** when we met three years ago he wrote his autograph on my cup of coffee

 **neukdae:** i came to his dorm to borrow his CD player to practice my routine and caught him staring at himself in the mirror intensely.

 **phiphiphichit:** absolutely disgusting

 **altinjurek:** once i just wanted to borrow his history notes so i went up to him to ask for them and when i asked about the war of 1812 he went into a really long talk about how he was going to write a song that happened to have ‘1812’ in it to rhyme with something-or-other and by the time he finished i needed to use the bathroom and i still didn’t have the notes so i said ‘just give them to me later’ so i went to the bathroom and he followed me and when i came out of the bathroom he gave me pieces of paper and i thought they were the notes but when i got back to my dorm i found out it was the lyrics to the song he was writing and also a signed autograph of his face and his phone number written beneath it so i thought ‘well maybe he’ll text me the notes’ so i texted him and he told me to meet him in the quad so i did and then we went to get burgers and i thought well maybe he’s going to give me the notes there??? but no he just talks about himself and then he gets up to pay and then i saw condoms in his wallet and then i realized that nah boy just so damn thirsty he mistook me asking for notes as wanting to fuck so i told him i just wanted the notes and then he said sorry and gave me the notes and another picture of his face with his autograph on it

 **altinjurek:** also he has a picture of himself giving a thumbs-up in his wallet

 **finestasscat:** once when we were on a date and playing ice hockey he started talking about his skating routines and then he called his face proof of OH MY GODDF

 **phiphiphichit:** TERRIBLE

 **ghji:** IM CRYING

 **ghji:** IM LEGIT CRYING THERE ARE REAL TEARS COMING DOWN MY FACE

 **katsudon:** WHAT IS THIS

 **neukdae:** i CAN NOT BELIEVE--

 **natasharomanoff:** #STOPJJ2016

 **viktor:** #toothirstyfornotes

 **icetiger:** oh my fuc kiGN

 **heymickeyursofine:** DIO MIO

 **phiphiphichit:** #toothirstyfornotes #passiton

 **memetastic:** #passitonanote #thatjjistoothirstyfor

 **katsudon:** IS THIS A ROAST CHAT

 **leomusica:** YES AND IT’S LONG OVERDUE TBFH

  **twinpeaks** has changed the chat name to **#toothirstyfornotes**

 **viktory:** thank you for making my hashtag a thing, it is truly a blessing

 **heymickeyursofine:** Why must we be associated with him

 **phiphiphichit:** yuuri don’t you have any stories?

 **katsudon:** He plans to make an otome game with just different variations of himself with different aspects of his personality in it

 **finestasscat:** i’m breaking up with him

 **thehandsomestprince:** you’re not even together with him rn

 **finestassscat:** B R E A K I N G U P

 **icetiger:** i’m blocking him for real this time i can not handle his massive ego

 **ghji:** what if he actually has very low self-esteem and hates himself and masks it with his huge ego because it’s what gives him hope to live through his days?

 **neukdae:** nah.

 **natasharomanoff:** not likely i don’t think he’d be able to stare at himself in the mirror for so long if he hates himself

 **memetastic:** i think he carries pictures of himself around to sign

 **twinpeaks:** he does

 **altinjurek:** i can account for this

 **leomusica:** unbelievable

 **leomusica:** wait

 **leomusica:** completely believable

 **viktory:** you guys know how he always walks into class with headphones on

 **ghji:** yeah

 **phiphiphichit:** don’t tell me what i think you’re going to tell me

 **katsudon:** Oh my god Viktor

 **viktory:** he wrote himself a theme song and he plays it every time he walks into a room

 **heymickeyursofine:** CAN HE NOT

 **twinpeaks:** I’M DEAD

 **icetiger:** BLOCKED. BLOCKED FOR SURE

   **neukdae** has left the chat

 **thehandsomestprince:** RELATABLE

 **memetastic:** i want a theme song too tbh

 **leomusica:** i made us all some a couple of months ago

 **twinpeaks:** wow really

 **katsudon:** Thank you!!!

 **altinjurek:** does mine have guitar

 **leomusica:** yes

 **altinjurek:** thank you

 **natasharomanoff:** one english period JJ spent the entire time making a statue of himself on minecraft: pocket edition

 **twinpeaks, icetiger, heymickeyursofine, memetastic, thehandsomestprince,** and **phiphiphichit** have left the chat

 **viktory:** omg

 **ghji:** i can not believe this man

 **altinjurek:** can i unfriend people in real life

   Group: **ice gays**

 **theogkingjj:** WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT RESPONDING

 **theogkingjj:** Hello???

 **theogkingjj:** Look whatever I did I’m sorry

 **neukdae:** you are such a piece of trash.

 **theogkingjj:** I’ll accept that if you say where everyone went

 **neukdae:** roast chat.

 **theogkingjj:** YOU GUYS MADE A ROAST CHAT ABOUT ME????

 **phiphiphichit:** yes you disgusting creature

 **phiphiphichit:** minecraft:pocket edition??? really man????

 **theogkingjj:** WHAT

 **memetastic:** #toothirstyfornotes

 **finestasscat:** #neverforget #toothirstyfornotes

 **theogkingjj:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT

 **leomusica:** nobody tell him

 **natasharomanoff:** wasn’t gonna lol

 **viktory:** not even IM that thirsty and i was after yuuri for an entire year

 **icetiger:** I DIDNT NEED TO HEAR THIS

 **katsudon:** Viktor omg

 **theogkingjj:** Guys please tell me I’ll do anything

 **theogkingjj:** I’ll give you guys pictures of me in super cool poses?!?! EVEN SHIRTLESS

 **heymickeyursofine:** WOW

 **twinpeaks:** #PROBLEMATIC

 **phiphiphichit:** nobody wants them

 **theogkingjj:** Whatever I don’t need this B(

   **theogkingjj** has left the chat

 **katsudon:** Omg

 **thehandsomestprince:** we probably shouldn’t do that

 **icetiger:** he’s problematic as fuck why not

 **thehandsomestprince:** tbh??? it’s part of his personality i’m going to feel like shit if we continuously make fun and call his personality problematic

 **ghji:** i mean

 **ghji:**...yeah georgi is right

 **neukdae:** he’s giving advice for once???? whoa

 **twinpeaks:** should we add him back and apologize

  **katsudon** has added **theogkingjj** to the chat

 **katsudon:** We’re sorry JJ

 **natasharomanoff:** we took the joke too far

 **icetiger:** fine i guess i’ll unblock you whatever

 **altinjurek:** that’s his way of apologizing

 **icetiger:** shut up bek

 **theogkingjj:** I’m still not sure what’s going on but you’re all forgiven! B)

   **theogkingjj** has sent **mekissingmybiceps.jpg**

 **finestasscat:** sigh

 **theogkingjj:** What

 **finestasscat:** nothing

 **viktory:** just never change, jj

 **theogkingjj:** You bet! B)

\-------

 **natasharomanoff:** I JUST WANTED TO TAP SARA ON THE SHOULDER TO ASK FOR CaSH AND MICH ELEFUCK ING DOVE OUT OF NOWHERE AND PUSHED HER OUT OF THE WAY JUST BEFORE I COULD toUCH HER

 **heymickeyursofine:** YoU HAVE CONDOMSIN YOUR POCKETWH ATDOYUOPL AN TO DOwiTH HER??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **natasharomanoff:** dude...relax

 **heymickeyrusofine:** NONVogLlIO RILAS SARSI IO PROTegGRò SARAFI No A QUANDO I MIEI giORNiMORENTI

 **twinpeaks:** dio mio

 **leomusica:** oh my god

 **memetastic:** mila,,,, don’t you know,,, mickey has kill bill sirens going through his head every time someone touches her

 **heymickeyursofine:** sara io non ti lascerò mai perché ti amo

 **twinpeaks:**...grazie?

 **memetastic:** omg mickey cHILL UR WAVING UR HANDS EVERYWHERE

 **leomusica:** dude

 **memetastic:** heS STILL SCREAMING

 **natasharomanoff:** WHAT’S HE SAYING MY ITALIAN STILL ISN’T VERY GOOD

 **twinpeaks:** TO EXPLAIN IT SHORTLY, HE’S SAYING HE WILL NEVER LET ANYBODY TOUCH ME WITH ILL INTENT SO LONG AS HE LIVES

 **natasharomanoff:**...you ain’t gonna tell him what we did last night are you

 **leomusica:** DUDE

 **memetastic:** HE SMAC KEDFGEORGI IN TH EFACE

 **phiphiphichit:** WHAT SGO IGN ON MICKEY JUST KNoCKED GEORGI OUTCOLD

 **icetiger:** i can’t believe i’m not here to witness this

 **twinpeaks:** sCROLL UP

 **leomusica:** iM NOT THERE EITHE RBUT JUST REaDIGN ABOUT IT IS HILA RIOUS

   **phiphiphichit** has sent **downhego.jpg**

 **katsudon:** i cOME BACK AND SEE EVRYTHIGN IS HELL WHATS GOING ON

  **neukdae** has sent **ripgeorgi.jpg**

   **neukdae** has sent **hewillbemissed.jpg**

 **katsudon:** SOMEONE MAKE MICHELE STOP

 **twinpeaks:** IM TRY INF

 **phiphiphichit:** OMG

 **icetiger:** someone get this on video

 **katsudon:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

 **leomusica:** did i just secondhand witness someone fucking die

 **leomusica:** guang where yoU AT

 **natasharomanoff:** yAKOV ESCORTED HIM OUT

 **katsudon:** Oh my gOD

 **neukdae:**...so who’s taking georgi to the fucking hospital

 **twinpeaks:** i’ll do it i kind of feel bad it’s kinda my fault??

 **katsudon:** No Sara you are completely innocent

 **phiphiphichit:** i’ll do it i got nothing else to do

 **leomusica:** who wants to pick out the flowers for georgi’s grave

 **icetiger:** not me

 **leomusica:** great yuri’s in charge

 **icetiger:** i jUST FUCKING SAID

 **memetastic:** i’ll buy his coffin rip

 **natasharomanoff:** georgi was like a brother to me...i’m going to miss him...even if he was annoying bc he broke up with anya....

 **katsudon:** YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO TERRIBLE

\---

 **thehandomestprince:** I’M NOT DEAD YOU ASSHOLES

\--

  **Private Chat**

 **chickennugget:** pssst

 **chicken nugget:** mr. altin

 **chickennugget:** i know you have a chat with yuuri...

 **chickennugget:** can you please add me?

 **altinjurek:** new phone who dis

 **chickennugget:** YOU KNOW WHO I AM! :D IT’S MINAMI!!!

 **altinjurek:** the number you have texted is currently out of service. please find the updated number

 **chickennugget:** aw. okay!!!

\--

 Group: **ice gays**

   **altinjurek** has sent **minami.jpg**

 **ghji:**...he does realize this is an app and not actual texting that requires service right

 **altinjurek:** apparently not

 **altinjurek:** why aren’t we allowed to add him, again?

 **viktory:** because he gives yuuri anxiety

 **altinjurek:** oh

 **icetiger:** he keeps asking for autographs

 **ghji:** he should ask JJ

 **theogkingjj:** Heard autographs and my name

 **viktory:** добрый вечер!

 **theogkingjj:** Who wants an autograph???

 **icetiger:** minami kenjiro

 **icetiger:** specifically, yuuri’s

 **theogkingjj:** Is that the kid with the red fringe

 **ghji:** yeah

 **theogkingjj:** Oh I watched his routine the other day he’s good

 **viktory:** i mean he is a nice boy bit he’s also quite excitable

 **viktory:** it makes yuuri scared

 **viktory:** and i will protect yuuri from all harm

 **viktory:** even 17 year old boys

 **viktory:** -squints at yuri-

 **icetiger:** fuck off viktor

 **thehandsomestprince:** i used to protect anya from all harm...

  **icetiger, leomusica,** and **ghji** have left the chat

 **thehandsomestprince:** oh

 **viktory:** i relate, georgi

 **thehandsomestprince:** somebody finally understands me

 **viktory:** but you need to grow up, get over it, and Move On

 **viktory:** starting off with not mentioning she-who-must-not-be-named any more

 **thehandomestprince** has left the chat

 **viktory:** nobody likes my advice??? unacceptable

 **theogkingjj:** If it was that easy he would’ve done it already would you be able to get over it quickly if Yuuri dumped you?

 **viktory:** maybe not

 **twinpeaks:** DID GEORGI LEAVE

 **twinpeaks:** I WAS JUST

 **twinpeaks:** AH

 **twinpeaks** has added **thehandsomestprince** to the chat

 **twinpeaks:** GEORGI

 **thehandsomestprince:** what

 **twinpeaks:** MICKEY, SAY IT

 **heymickeyursofine:** I’m

 **heymickeyursofine:** Uh

 **heymickeyursofine:** сожалеющий

 **thehandsomestprince:** i forgive you, but my face does not

 **heymickeyursofine:** What why

 **thehandomestprince:** my nose is bROKEN

 **twinpeaks:** IT’S THAT BAD!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

 **twinpeaks:** MICHELE CRISPINO

 **heymickeyursofine:** I SAID I WAS SORRY

 **katsudon:** YOU SHOULD BE I CAN SEE HIS NOSE FROM HERE IT LOOKS SO BAD

 **finestasscat:** so you’re the person who ruined georgi’s face

 **heymickeyursofine:** IT’LL BE FINE IN A DAY OR SO

 **thehandomestprince:** THE DOCTOR SAID THE SWELLING WILL GO AWAY AFTER A WEEK BUT I STILL CAN’T SKATE UNTIL IT FULLY HEALS IN THREE FUCKING WEEKS

 **viktory:** omg

 **theogkingjj:** Georgi, want me to sign the bandage on your nose? B)

 **thehandsomestprince:** thanks but no thanks

 **finestasscat:** i have more pizza

 **katsudon:**..How do you get so much pizza

 **finestasscat:** i’m...well connected

 **viktory:** is there stuffed crust?!

 **finestasscat:** yeah

 **viktory:** you are the bestest friend chris

 **finestasscat:** ;)

 **altinjurek:** where are you

 **finestasscat:** skating rink lol

 **theogkingjj:** Save some for me this time!!

 **thehandsomestprince:** will someone bring me some

 **katsudon:** I will!!

 **thehandsomestprince:** viktor your boyfriend is Jesus what did you do to deserve him

 **viktory:** hahaha i don’t know tbh

 **twinpeaks:** i’m really sorry for everything georgi

 **heymickeyursofine:** Me too. I really am

 **thehandsomestprince:** its ok

\--

 **memetastic:** mickey tells me to chill w/ my hand movements but he goes and break someone’s fucking nose smh

 **heymickeyursofine:** Emil now is not the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review, drop ideas...We're open! :)
> 
> Translations-  
> Pachuco--a term used in mexico to describe someone with a flamboyant personality  
> Dio mio--Italian for 'oh my god'  
> Non voglio rilassarsi--I will not relax  
> Io proteggerò Sara fino a quando i miei giorni morenti--I will protect Sara until my dying days  
> Sara io non ti lascerò mai perché ti amo--Sara I will never leave you because I love you  
> Grazie--Thank you  
> добрый вечер--Good evening  
> сожалеющий--Sorry


	3. The Roast Of King JJ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ gets roasted, big-time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> viktory--viktor  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> icetiger--yuri  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> leomusica--leo  
> ghji--guang  
> theogkingjj--jj  
> natasharomanoff--mila  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> memetastic--emil  
> neukdae--seung  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> thehandsomestprince--georgi

Group: **ice gays**

 **phiphiphichit:** which one of you fuckers stole my fucking hamster you pieces of shit

 **ghji:** it wasnt me

 **leomusica:** not me

 **katsudon:** Someone took your hamster?!

 **phiphiphichit:** YES I CANT FIND HER IM SO WORRIED WhATWHOT OOK HER AND WHY OMG

 **ghji:** did you check under your bed

 **phiphihphichit:** OF COUR SENOT WHY WUOLD SHE BeuNDER THE BED YO UPIECE OF SHoh

 **leomusica:**...did you find her

 **phiphiphichit:** i

 **phiphiphichit:** yeah

 **katsudon:** Omg

 **ghji:** screenshotted, to be put on the wall of shame

 **phiphiphichit:** dON’T WALL OF SHAME ME

 **ghji:** it’s been wall of shamed

 **phiphiphichit:** auifufGJHBFHJWEB <FWJEFVJHFVWJHF

 **natasharomanoff:** rip phichit twenty sixteen

 **katsudon:** You probably shouldn’t do that it’s gonna make Phichit sad :(

 **ghji:**...i guess okay

 **theogkingjj:** Yuuri is literally Jesus what the fuc k

 **leomusica:** yo JJ

 **natasharomanoff:** he’s really nice

 **katsudon:** Thank you!!

 **viktory:** da, he is ^^ he is my little katsudon

 **icetiger:** G A G

 **neukdae:** \--disgust--

 **phiphiphichit:** idk i mean he’s not a little angel idk why everyone assumes it

 **phiphiphichit:** everybody thinks he can’t do anything wrong but he’s in fact a clever lil shit

 **katsudon:** Thank you!

 **phiphiphichit:** ur welcome!!!

 **natasharomanoff:** wait how is that a compliment

 **theogkingjj:** I doubt that. He’s too nice BP

 **katsudon:** What do you mean???

 **viktory:** i wouldn’t be so sure, jean-jacques

 **icetiger:** the little piggy is too weak and soft to be mean

 **theogkingjj:** ^Yeah what he said

 **leomusica:** kill bill sirens

 **katsudon:** What makes you think that??

 **theogkingjj:** Well one you can’t roast for shit

 **katsudon:** Excuse me

 **neukdae:** dear lord

 **theogkingjj:** I mean remember when we made a Phichit roast chat?

 **phiphiphichit:** wait when you made a what

 **theogkingjj:** Yeah you couldn't roast. At all.

 **ghji:** omg

 **thehandsomestprince:** did i just come back to the beginning of a war

 **natasharomanoff:** shhhhhhh

 **ghji:** oh hey georgi how is your nose

 **thehandsomestprince:** broken

 **twinpeaks:** oh

 **katsudon:** Maybe I didn’t want to because Phichit is my friend

 **viktory:** oh my

 **twinpeaks:** OH

 **icetiger:** still weak tbh

 **icetiger:** beka is my one(1) friend and i can still roast the fucking shit out of him

 **altinjurek:** do it you whore i dare you

 **icetiger:** metallica is overrated

  **altinjurek** has left the chat

 **leomusica:** DUDE

 **twinpeaks:** ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! MICKEY AND EMIL WHERE ARE YOU GUYS COME WITNESS THIS

 **theogkingjj:** But yeah. You’re a really nice person though so you shouldn’t feel bad! B)

 **heymickeyursofine:** WHAT’S GOING ON

 **katsudon:** So

 **katsudon:** You think I can’t do any wrong

 **heymickeyursofine:** WHAT

 **phiphiphichit:** yuuri are u ok

 **thehandsomestprince:** i’m slightly afraid

 **memetastic:** same and i just got here holy sh it

 **theogkingjj:** You’re too pure

 **viktory:** jj

 **viktory:** protect urself

 **finestasscat:** i was coming to aske if people wanted pizza but what

 **leomusica:** i’m a little scared tbh

 **neukdae:** same like what...

 **icetiger** has added **altinjurek** to the chat

 **katsudon:** SO YOU THINK I COULDN’T ROAST YOU IF I TRIED??? IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING??? COS BOO HONEY YOU’RE ASKING FOR IT

 **natasharomanoff** : nOBODY IS SAYING THAT YUURI PLS CHILL

 **thehandsomestprince:** w hY IS thIS HjdgbjqhgIhjhwebqJHRBWIU3

 **finestasscat:** what the hap is fuckening

 **altinjurek:** am i about to witness someone die

 **twinpeaks:** shOULD WE ST OP THEM

 **theogkingjj:** YEAH I’M SAYING THAT

 **theogkingjj:** WHY ARE YOU GETTING UPSET I’M LITERALLY COMPLIMENTING YOU

 **phiphiphichit:** broooooo

   **memetastic** has sent **shitsgoingdown.jpg**

 **heymickeyursofine:** Now is not the time

 **katsudon:** YOU HAVE INSULTED ME. I AM INSULTED. THERE WAS AN INSULT. IT HAS OFFENDED ME. I AM OFFENDED AT THE INSULT. I AM OFFENDED AND INSULTED.

 **katsudon:** THE INSULT IS OFFEnDED

 **viktory:** buckle your seatbelts kids

 **ghji:** #prayforjj

 **icetiger:** shit is finally getting interesting here

 **theogkingjj:** rOAST ME WITH ALL YOU GOT YUURI

 **katsudon:** YOU THINK I CAN’T ROAST ANYONE????

 **katsudon:** FINE

 **katsudon:** I WAS GOING TO INSULT YOUR SKATING CAREER, BUT THEN I DECIDED THAT WOULD BE TOO LOW, LIKE YOUR BALLS

 **katsudon:** INSTEAD, I’M THROWING AN INSULT YOU’VE PROBABLY HEARD OF BEFORE

 **katsudon:** ONCE, I SAW PORN OF A GUY SHOVING HIS ENTIRE FIST INTO ANOTHER GUY’S ASS

 **katsudon:** AND I THOUGHT ‘DAMN IMAGINE THE STATE OF THAT GUY’S ASSHOLE’

 **katsudon:** BUT THEN I REALIZED NAH, THAT AIN’T NOTHING

 **katsudon:** COMPARED TO THE STATE OF YOURS, AT LEAST

 **katsudon** : YOUR HEAD SHOVED FAR UP YOUR REAR END I’M ALMOST SORRY FOR YOUR POOR ASSHOLE

 **katsudon:** IN FACT, YOU’RE GONNA BE NEEDING A NEW ONE

 **katsudon:** GET READY FOR CHRISTMAS MORNING, BITCH

 **katsudon:** OH WAIT, I FORGOT, I ALREADY GOT YOU A CHRISTMAS GIFT!

 **katsudon** has sent **thefuckingbird.jpg**

 **katsudon:** MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS FUCKER

 **katsudon:** AND TRY NOT TO COME TO THE PARTY TOO LATE

 **katsudon:** YOU KNOW

 **katsudon:** SINCE CHRIS HAS MADE IT CLEAR YOU /ALWAYS/ COME LATE, MY BOY

 **katsudon:** YOU’RE SO FUCKING LATE YOU MAKE BBC SHERLOCK LOOK LIKE THE MOST PUNCTUAL MEMBER OF THE PARTY

 **theogkingjj** has left the chat

 **natasharomanoff:** h oly shIT

 **leomusica:** a moment of silence for JJ

 **memetastic:** i cANT

 **twinpeaks:** YU URIWHAT

 **neukdae:** newfound respect.

 **icetiger:** I CAn sEE JJ HE JUTSLOOKS SO FuckIGNESTUNNED

 **phiphiphichit:** yuuri im

 **phiphiphichit:** im speechless

 **viktory:** oh my gosh yuuri you’re so amazing

 **thehandsomestprince:** didn’t we agree to not do this

 **altinjurek:** but it was glorious

 **thehandsomestprince:** yeah it was

 **heymickeyursofine:** Yuuri is...A god

 **ghji:** i can not fully comprehend this situation

 **memetastic:** SAME

   **memetastic** has sent **imshook.jpg**

 **katsudon:** I FEEL SO BAD OH MY GOD SHOULD I APOLOGIZE

 **leomusica:** yes

 **leomusica:** but in 24 hours

 **leomusica:** let him stew in the absolute shitfest he brought upon himself

 **ghji:** should i wall of shame yuuri for all the things he said or jj for thinking yuuri couldn’t roast people

 **phiphiphichit:** all of i t

 **memetastic** has sent **bothisgood.gif**

 **twinpeaks:** ya same

 **katsudon:** WHY ARE YOU WALL OF SHAMING ME

 **ghji:** BC WHAT YOU DID WAS BOTH AWFUL AND GREAT AT THE SAME TIME

 **heymickeyursofine:** It was oddly satisfying, yet horrifying

 **neukdae:** so yeah is anyone going to go see if JJ is okay.

 **finestasscat:** i’ll handle it

 **finestasscat:** wait nah isabella is here she’s got this

 **twinpeaks:** isabella yang is Such A Blessing

 **altinjurek:** truly

 **viktory:** i love her

 **icetiger:** what are you talking about she’s a huge fucking bitch

 **natasharomanoff:** yuri, your opinion is like a butthole. everybody has one, but nobody likes it.

 **thehandsomestprince:** d a m n

 **leomusica:** a moment of silence for yuri

 **icetiger:** fuck off you asshole

 **katsudon:** IM GOING TO GO APOLOGIZE TO HIM

 **phiphiphichit:** idk whether to be proud of disappointed

 **memetastic** has sent **whynotboth.jpg**

 **heymickeyursofine:** Emil I swear to god if you send another picture instead of typing a response I’m breaking up with you

 **memetastic** has sent **nogodpleaseno.jpg**

 **heymickeyursofine:** Broken. We have been broken up. Bye

 **heymickeyursofine** has left the chat

 **memetastic:** nO

 **memetastic:** BABY COME BACK

 **leomusica:** a moment of silence for emil and michele’s relationship

 **neukdae** has removed **leomusica** from the group

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you guys prefer shorter chapters and more frequent updates, or longer chapters and infrequent updates?
> 
> Please let us know down below! And as always, drop a review!
> 
> Next chapter: Will Emil get Mickey back by seducing him with memes? How does JJ recover from such a brutal roast? And will Minami finally find a way into the ice gays chat?


	4. #problematic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emil attempts to get Michele back. A few realizations are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> memetastic--emil  
> ghji--guang  
> leomusica--leo  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> neukdae--seung  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> icetiger--yuri  
> natasharomanoff--mila

Private Messaging-- **memetastic and heymickeyursofine**

 **memetastic:** wobble baby wobble baby wobble baby wobble baby yeah

 **heymickeyursofine:** No

 **memetastic:** listen i am so sorry

 **memetastic:** for being a fantastic memer but look i love u and i want u 2 come bck to me

 **heymickeyursofine:** No this is over

 **memetastic:** plz mike do it 4 me

 **heymickeyursofine:** Your typing is giving me a headache

 **memetastic:** im srry im like typng n drvng @ the same time

 **heymickeyursofine:** WHY ARE YOU TEXTING WHILE DRIVING

 **memetastic:** BC U MEAN SO MUCH 2 ME??? BOY U SLOWLY MADE ME REALIZE I WAS GAY

 **memetastic:** LIKE DUUUUDE I KNW THEY SAY ITLNS GOT SOEM SMOOTH ROMANCING SHIT BUT GOD DAMN

 **memetastic:** TBH I KIND OF WNTD TO BAND SARA BUT u md me gay

 **heymickeyursofine:** YOU ARE A DISASTER

 **heymickeyursofine:** STOP TEXTING ME

 **heymickeyursofine:** YoUR’E GOING TO DiE ODDIO

 **memetastic:** IM DOING THIS 4 U

 **heymickeyursofine:** YOU ARE BLOCKED FOR THE TIME BEING STOP TEXTING ME AT ONCE FANCULO

 

Group: **ice gays**

 **heymickeyursofine** has sent **hesgoingtodie.jpg**

 **ghji:** omg

 **ghji:** i can’t believe he used to think he was straight

 **heymickeyursofine:** No that’s not the problem the problem is that he dID THIS WHY WOULD YOU TEXT WHILE DRIVING THAT IS LITERALLY SO STUPID

 **twinpeaks:** mickey

 **twinpeaks:** pls chill

 **heymickeyursofine:** I CAN’T

 **icetiger:** i can hear you shouting through a fucking text message and this is when you know you need to stop

 **ghji:** awe but it’s sweet he loves u so much i wish someone loved me like that

 **twinpeaks:** leo is reading over my shoulder and he just told me to say ‘fuck you’

 **ghji:** omg i was joking

 **heymickeyursofine:** He doesn’t love me he just wants Sara

 **twinpeaks:** dude no

 **twinpeaks:** he is so gay 4 u

 **twinpeaks:** hE BOUGHT U TICKETS TO SEE ‘HAIRSPRAY’

 **twinpeaks:** THATS G A Y

 **ghji:** TRUE

 **heymickeyursofine:** No he definitely wants Sara it’s always been this way

 **icetiger:** wht do you mean its always been this way

 **heymickeyursofine:** EVERYONE WANTS SARA AND I MUST PROTECT HER

 **twinpeaks:** so have u ever considered that he legitimately wants u or...

 **heymickeyursofine:** NO WHY WOULD HE DO THAT

 **ghji:** you’re literally dating him

 **heymickeyursofine:** No we broke up yesterday remember

 **ghji:** HEJHEBGHDJAS I THOGUTH YOU WERE JOkIGN

 **heymickeyursofine:** IT WASN’T JUST BECAUSE OF THE MEMES THOUGH OKAY I’M NOT THAT PETTY

 **ghji:** tbh you’re not that petty at all

 **ghji:** yuuri and mila are like...so petty

 **heymickeyursofine:** WELL HE’S ALWAYS COMPLIMENTING SARA AND OTHER GIRLS AND I’M??? maybe he’s using me

 **icetiger:** i can not believe we’re having this conversation

 **icetiger:** kay michele i’m going to actually legitimately talk to you for once and let you know that

 **icetiger:** you’re both gay bye

 **icetiger** has left the chat

 **twinpeaks** has added **icetiger** to the chat

 **icetiger:** wtf let me leave

 **heymickeyursofine:** OKAY BUT HOW DO I KNOW BECAUSE WE HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN DATING THAT LONG

 **twinpeaks:** um you’ve been dating for 2 ½ years

 **heymickeyursofine:** I MEAN ACTUALLY DATING

 **twinpeaks:**...what do you mean....

 **heymickeyursofine:** I

 **heymickeyursofine:** shit

 **twinpeaks:** MICHELE LUCA CRISPINO WHAT DID YOU DO

 **heymickeyursofine:** SARA ANNA CRISPINO HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT

 **heymickeyursofine:** no i’m sorry i didn’t m ean that please don’t leave me alone in this cruel world

 **icetiger:**...dude

 **ghji:** i’m

 **ghji:** afraid

 **twinpeaks:** MICHELE.

 **heymickeyursofine:** OKAY FINE I’LL TELL YOU

 **ghji:** wait i can’t let these guys miss the drama

 **ghji** has added **theogkingjj** and **leomusica** to the chat

 **icetiger:** should we really add jj back after he was ROASTED, TOASTED, AND BURNED TO A CRISP

 **ghji:** that’s exactly why we should add him back

 **leomusica:** so what’d I miss? what’d I miss? ice gays, my home sweet home, i wanna give you a kiss

 **icetiger:** if you quote that fucking musical one more time i don’t care how illegal it is i’m slicing your throat with my skates

 **leomusica:** omg

 **leomusica:** how dare you refer to hamilton simply as ‘that fucking musical’

 **ghji:** hey leo do you have the hamilton book thingy? can i borrow it?

 **leomusica:** um it’s the hamiltome excuse you

 **icetiger:** the hamiltome

 **icetiger:** alright that’s it

 **icetiger** has left the chat

 **ghji** has added **icetiger** to the chat

 **icetiger:** LET ME DIE IN PEACE

 **ghji:** lol nah

 **leomusica:** yeah you can borrow it guang but if you write on it, doggy-ear it, or otherwise deface it in any way i will personally destroy your life :-)

 **ghji:** k thanks

 **twinpeaks:** omg

 **heymickeyursofine:** SO LIKE NEARLY 4 YEARS AGO WHEN WE MET HIM AND HE WAS ANNOYING AND 14 AND WE WERE COOL AND 18 AND HE WAS V OBVIOUSLY CRUSHING ON U I WAS LIKE,,, DUDE FUCK OFF GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER SHE IS 2 PURE FOR YOU AND THEN HE WAS LIKE ‘OKAY BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO’ AND I HAD THIS ENTIRE PLAN LIKE I’D GET HIM TO FAKE-DATE ME TO ‘GET CLOSER TO YOU’ BUT HE’D ACTUALLY BECOME DISGUSTED BY ME AND RUN AWAY AND NEVER BOTHER YOU BUT HE ACTUALLY STUCK AROUND AND HE WAS ANNOYING AND ALSO CUTE AND ALSO 16 AND YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM SO I KEPT HIM AROUND BECAUSE HE WAS LIKE A SMALL DOG AND I FELT BAD BUT THEN WHEN HE HIT 17 AND ACTUALLY KIND OF GREW UP AND GOT HOT AND VERY NICE I WAS LIKE ‘DIO MIO’ SO I SAID A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT WAS BASICALLY KIND OF LIKE ‘SO MAYBE WE SHOULD START DATING FOR REAL BECAUSE YOU’RE ACTUALLY NOT ANNOYING’ AND HE WAS LIKE ‘UHM I THOUGHT WE WERE ALREADY DATING’ AND basically this was 4 months ago it’s a long story i’m gay BUT I ALSO THINK HE’S STILL JUST TRYING TO GET TO SARA

 **twinpeaks:** I CAN’T BELI EVETHAT YOu

 **twinpeaks:** WERE A C T I N G

 **icetiger:** i am

 **icetiger:** so done with this fucking chat i swear to GOD

 **leomusica:** WH TDOYOU MEAN YOU WEReFAKING

 **leomusica:** WHATS GOIGN ON

 **twinpeaks:** YOU GUYS HAVE LITERALLY MADE OUT BEFORE

 **twinpeaks:** ON ThE COUCH

 **twinpeaks:** IN MY DORM

 **twinpeaks:** HOW WAS THAT FAKING

 **heymickeyursofine:** I don’t know okay Sara I’ve done many questionable things in my life

 **phiphiphichit:** what did i walk back into

 **ghji:** scroll up

 **leomusica:** i lowkey want to slap you

 **leomusica:** that boy loves you oh my god

 **leomusica:** you’re GAY

 **icetiger:** and #problematic

 **leomusica:** YES YOU’RE THAT TOO

 **phiphiphichit:** OH MY GOD

 **phiphiphichit:** JJ YOU NO LONGER HOLD THE #problematic TITLE

 **phiphiphichit:** IT NOW BELONGS TO FUCKENING MICKEY

 **heymickeyursofine:** HEY DOESN’T IT BELONG TO EMIL NOW TOO

 **ghji:** NO BECAUSE HE IS GOOD AND PURE AND INNOCENT AND HONESTLY A SWEETHEART(™) AND YOU ARE A DISASTER

 **heymickeyursofine:** THIS IS UNFAIR

  **icetiger** has changed the group name to **michele is #problematic**

 **heymickeyursofine:** WTF WHY

 **twinpeaks:** i literally can not believe you right now oh my gosh

 **heymickeyursofine:** I’M NOT USED TO PEOPLE LOVING ME FUCK OFF

 **leomusica:** that is...the saddest thing i have ever heard

 **twinpeaks:** omg mickey don’t exaggerate like that lots of people love you

 **heymickeyursofine:** Like who

 **twinpeaks:** ME

 **twinpeaks:** AND EMIL

 **heymickeyursofine:** You’re lying to me why would you do this to mE

 **phiphiphichit:** um i’m not joking here but like are you actually okay right now

 **ghji:** do you need one of us to come over bro

 **ghji:** and give you a bro hug

 **ghji:** i’m cute and small my hugs will heal your worries

 **heymickeyursofine:** I DON’T NEED YOUR HUGS

 **ghji:** :(

 **leomusica:** omg come here guang i love and appreciate you i want your hugs

 **icetiger:** GAG

 **phiphiphichit:** shut up yuri you’re going to be like this one day too

 **icetiger:** what makes you think that it’s fucking disgusting

 **phiphiphichit:** i mean

 **phiphiphichit:** you’re almost legal now yes

 **icetiger:**...idk what the fuck you’re talking about but you better clear your shit up real quick

 **phiphiphichit:** i’m joking holy shit calm down

 **twinpeaks:** mickey this conversation is not over where did you go

 

Private Messaging-- **memetastic** and **heymickeyursofine**

 

 **heymickeyursofine:** Okay I unblocked you are you still driving

 **memetastic:** no but i just want you to know that if you break up with me i’m going to be very sad and that’s okay because i was lurking in the gc and i think i might have forced you into a relationship i’m sorry

 **heymickeyursofine:** Oh my god

 **memetastic:** udělal jsem chybu

 **heymickeyursofine:** Hey it’s not your fault I was the one who suggested it

 **memetastic:** k but like

 **memetastic:** i should’ve made it clearer that i actually secretly wanted to date u this whole time

 **heymickeyursofine:** Wait you what

 **memetastic:** i lied okay you didn’t slowly make me realize i was gay like i saw you and in an instant i was gay it was like the fairy gaymother just bopped me on the head and went bippity boppity boo ur gay now and then bingobango i was gay and i wanted to have ur babies and then i was like shite im fucked so for about 2 years i slowly festered in my own shitpile and then i was like ‘i can NOT let him know that i am gay for him’ so i tried hitting on sara and then u got mad and i was like holy fukcles thats hot and then u were all of a sudden like “hey you can date me...and u can be friends with sara too” and i was like hells yeah!!! and then like u just. u just told me we should date for real like 4 months ago and i d ont understand

 **heymickeyursofine:** I understood about 40% of that but when I said “you can be friends with Sara” I was trying to say, like...You can get closer to her because I thought that’s what you were trying to do

 **memetastic:** i thought you said that like ‘we’re dating now so i give you permission to be friends with her”

 **heymickeyursofine:** I fucked up

 **heymickeyursofine:** Oh my godfI’ve been leading you on for almost 2 ½ years withou teven realizing it I’m

 **heymickeyursofine:** I screwed up

 **memetastic:** no it’s not your fault okay i shouldn’t have taken up on the offer when it was clear u didn’t want to be in a relationship

 **heymickeyursofine:** No it is my fault

 **memetastic:** no, it’s mine like i also screwed up

 **heymickeyursofine:** I’m really sorry, the blame is not all yours the fault is mine

 **memetastic** : um excuse me did you not just hear me say it’s my fault

 **heymickeyursofine:** Emil shut the fuck up it’s my fault

 **memetastic:** no it’s my fault

 **heymickeyursofine:** IT’S MY FAULT, EMIL

 **memetastic:** nO IT’S MY FAULT

 **heymickeyursofine:** I LEAD YOU ON WITH A PETTY PLAN FOR SEVERAL YEARS

 **memetastic:** I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU WHILE YOU WERE UNCONSENTING

 **heymickeyursofine:** UM I SUGGESTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE???? SO SEE THE FAULT ISN’T YOURS

 **memetastic:** WELL WHO’S FAULT IS IT, THE STARS?

 **heymickeyursofine:** FINE EMIL, IF THAT’S HOW YOU WANT TO PLAY IT, THEN YES

 **heymickeyursofine:** THE FAULT IS IN OUR STARS

 **memetastic:** FINE

 **heymickeyursofine:** FINE

 **memetastic:** ARE YOU FINE

 **heymickeyursofine:** OF COURSE I’M FINE ARE YOU FINE

 **memetastic:** NO

 **heymickeyursofine:** YEAH ME NEITHER

 **memetastic:** I’M SORRY

 **heymickeyursofine:** I’M SORRY TOO

 **memetastic:** DO YOU WANT PIZZA

 **heymickeyursofine:** IS IT SALAMI

 **memetastic:** AND BACON

 **heymickeyursofine:** YES PLEASE

 **memetastic:** KAY LET ME IN I’VE BEEN OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES AND I HAVE TO PEE

 **heymickeyursofine:** COME INSIDE THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED I’M WAITING FOR YOU AND I HAVE COLA

 **memetastic:** THANK YOU MILUJI TE

 **heymickeyursofine:** YOU’RE WELCOME TI AMO

 **memetastic:** AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I’M <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>

 **heymickeyursofine:** COME IN HERE YOU FOOL GIVE ME THE PIZZA

 **memetastic:** OK MILUJI TE

 

Group: **michele is #problematic**

 **twinpeaks:** i went to mickey’s door to check on him and they’re fine

 **ghji:** he and emil?

 **twinpeaks:** yeah they explained what happened and i looked at mickey’s messages and i just...

 **neukdae:** what happened.

 **twinpeaks:** hold on i’ll tell you guys in PM so they don’t see lol

 **phiphiphichit:** they’re gonna see you telling us that you’re going to tell us anyways....

 **twinpeaks:** oh you’re right

 **twinpeaks:** i’m still going to do it in pm lol

 **leomusica:** spill all the beans. the pinto beans, the jumping beans, every last bean.

\--

 **katsudon:** Okay but what happened

 **neukdae:** MICHELE AND EMIL ARE #problematic IS WHAT HAPPENED

 **katsudon:** ARE YOU OKAY

 **neukdae:** no.

 **icetiger** has changed the group name to **emil and michele are #problematic**

 **natasharomanoff:** l ook im busy but im just cvoming to say stop changing the name o kay ilove ice gays bye

 **natasharomanoff** has changed the group name to **ice gays**

 **katsudon:** oKAY BUT WHAT HAPPENED THOUGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye if you get what michele and sara's middle names are named after u get bonus points for being an Awesome Person
> 
> Also, you know Leo is a slut for musicals. it's canon. figHT ME
> 
> Oddio--Italian for 'oh my god'  
> Fanculo--Italian for 'fuck'  
> Dio mio--Italian for 'my god'  
> Udělal jsem chybu--I made a mistake  
> Miluji te--Czech for 'i love you'  
> Ti amo--Italain for 'I love you'
> 
> Next chapter: Isabella Yang is added to chat. Some people get shitfaced. Someone stole an entire traffic light. Who let these guys drink?


	5. Where's Voker?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> natasharomanoff--mila  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> memetastic--emil  
> icetiger--yuri  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> viktory--viktor  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> neukdae--seung-gil lee  
> ghji--guang-hong ji  
> leomusica--leo  
> thehandomestprince--georgi  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> theogkingjj--jean-jacques  
> yingyang--isabella

   Group: **ice gays**

 **thehandsomestprince:** can someone tell yuuri to stop

 **altinjurek:** what’s he doing.

 **thehandsomestprince:** nothing bad but if i hear him singing another lady gaga song i’m going to commit

 **natasharomanoff:** but you love lady gaga wtf

 **thehandsomestprince:** there’s only so much ‘Applause’ i can handle okay

 **thehandsomestprince:** especially when he keeps saying ‘apple sauce’ instead of applause

 **altinjurek:** so i guess we’re all only here because we’re not old enough to ‘hang out with the big boys’ yet

 **thehandsomestprince:** i’m not going because i don’t want to be near a drunk yuuri

 **thehandsomestprince:** do you remember last time

 **natasharomanoff:** yes but it was fantastic u should go you’re going to be the only ‘big boy’ not going

 **memetastic:** hey mila have you ever noticed we’re both 18 and we’re both dating the crispino twins

 **natasharomanoff:** ye why

 **memetastic:** idk i thought it was funny

 **icetiger:** I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE NOT LETTING ME GO DRINK WITH THEM

 **ghji:** yuri you’re underage

 **altinjurek:** do you want to come over and have juice with me

 **icetiger:** WHY THE FUCK WOULD I say no of course i’ll come over

 **memetastic:** can i do so too??

 **altinjurek:** no

 **neukdae:** this is bullshit i’m literally a couple of months away from being 21

 **natasharomanoff:** ur like 7 months away from being 21

 **neukdae:** fuck you

 **ghji:** omg

 **thehandsomestprince:** so do you guys want to do something or what

 **theogkingjj:** Hey can i invite isabella to the chat

 **natasharomanoff:** FFFFFFFFFFFF of coURSE Y OU CAN

 **memetastic:** I LOVE HER

 **icetiger:** NO DON’T DO THAT

 **leomusica:** so guang told me we might party

 **phiphiphichit:** i heard party

 **ghji:** can we go see a movie

 **icetiger:** DON’T ADD HER I HATE HER

 **altinjurek:** are you okay

   **theogkingjj** has added yingyang to the chat

 **natasharomanoff:** she’s here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **phiphiphichit:** OMG ISABELLA

 **yingyang:** hello there

 **ghji:** hhwgjhgjwdghqj i love u shit im gay

 **leomusica:** but you’re a dude

 **ghji:** IM G A Y

 **memetastic:** hey isabella!!!!!!!

 **theogkingjj:** Hey Bella B)

   **icetiger** has left the chat

  **neukdae** has added **icetiger** to the chat

 **neukdae:** rude

 **icetiger:** SEUNG WTF YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE PEOPLE??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **thehandsomestprince:** yuri only you don’t like isabella

 **yingyang:** kay so i made cookies

 **phiphiphichit:** HI I LOVE YOU CAN I HAVE COOKIES

 **yingyang:** ya

 **theogkingjj:** So I added her ‘cos I’ve got great news

 **altinjurek:**?

 **ghji:** spill

 **natasharomanoff:** what did you do

 **yingyang:** we got engaged yo holla

 **leomusica:** OMG

 **theogkingjj:** BD

 **icetiger:** GREAT THE DISGUSTING PEOPLE ARE GETTING DISGUSTING-MARRIED

 **yingyang:** i like the sound of disgusting-married. are we going to be wearing slime costumes? o7o

 **neukdae:** ghostbusters themed wedding.

 **theogkingjj:** You have the greatest ideas Seung

 **icetiger:** please don’t tell me you’re,,,actually going to have a ghostbusters-themed wedding

 **theogkingjj:** Why not B)

 **leomusica:** CAN I COME

 **ghji:** I WANT TO BE FLOWER BOY

 **ghji:** I AM CUTE AND FLOWERS WILL MAKE ME CUTER

 **memetastic:** i want to be the meme boy. it’s like the flower boy, but i throw around memes instead.

 **phiphiphichit:** but congratulations you guys!!!!!! i’m so happy for you!!!!! (pls let me be a part of your wedding)

 **thehandsomestprince:** i wanted to get engaged to anya...

 **natasharomanoff** has removed **thehandsomestprince** from the group

 **natasharomanoff:** i’ll add him back later but iSABELLA THAT’S GREAT

 **altinjurek:** congrats.

 **neukdae:** yeah same.

 **icetiger:** THIS IS DISGUSTING

 **yingyang:** guang can be flower boy, emil can be a meme boy if he wants, phichit can be one of the bachelors, i think he’d look good in red. we want our wedding to be white and red o7o

 **theogkingjj:** Ohhh Isabella I probably should’ve mentioned

 **theogkingjj:** Phichit is *they

 **yingyang:** OH MY G-O-S-H I’M SORRY

 **icetiger:** can we remove her since she messed up phichit’s pronouns

 **phiphiphichit:** omg no she didn’t know

 **phiphiphichit:** it’s fine you can stay xoxoxoxo i love you

 **yingyang:** coolio beans o7o

 **leomusica:** i heard beans

 **altinjurek:** isabella makes me wish i was straight

 **ghji:** YA SAME

 **icetiger:** am i the only one who sees her for the rude bitch she is???????????

 **altinjurek:** yuri they’re getting married can you just...

 **altinjurek:** chill for like 1 hour

 **icetiger:** IF I WANT TO CHILL, I’LL DO IT ON THE ICE

 **icetiger:** IN FACT I’LL DO THAT NOW

 **icetiger:** LATER, FUCKERS

 **icetiger** has left the chat

 **theogkingjj:** Bella is what I’m living for B) She is Jesus

 **memetastic:** for once i agree with jj!!!!

 **natasharomanoff:** isabella is my religion

 **neukdae:** i’m okay with talking with her

 **theogkingjj:** ^^^In his language that means ‘I like her’

 **yingyang:** you’re all so sweet

 **yingyang:** nice to see a chat full of jj girls and boys

 **ghji:** ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 **leomusica:** ya...jj boys and girls

 **yingyang:** oops and the jj *fan

 **phiphiphichit:** nah it’s good

 **theogkingjj:** Nice to know I’m loved!!!

 **neukdae:** ha. haha.

 **memetastic:** sooooo

 **memetastic:** is anyone else bored

 **natasharomanoff:** who wants to have a skating competition

 **natasharomanoff:** meet me at the rink in twenty minutes if you do i’ll tell georgi

 **yingyang:** i can come and keep score o7o

 **altinjurek:** yes we’d love you to come

 **ghji:** come over!!!!!

 **leomusica:** yeah definitely stick around we might get pizza too

 **theogkingjj:** We’ll be there shortly

 **theogkingjj** has added **thehandsomestprince** to the chat

 **theogkingjj:** So he can see the messages B)

\--

 **thehandsomestprince:** and here you see (mostly) us all banding together for one purpose--isabella yang

\--

 **yingyang:** i don’t want to say this out loud but is georgi okay

 **leomusica:** what’s happening

 **leomusica:** also do you mind if we have stuffed crust

 **yingyang** has sent **despicablemeoohstuffedcrust.gif**

 **leomusica:** i’ll take that as a yes lmao

 **yingyang:** he’s been crying on the ice for 7 minutes

 **yingyang:** mila went first and she blew me away but then georgi went and he got really emotional halfway through and then collapsed and now he’s crying so emil had to drag him off for his turn

 **leomusica:** yeah he does that he’s thinking about his ex

 **phiphiphichit:** it’s ok he’ll get over it in an hour when leo brings pizza

 **leomusica:** we all love pizza but both christophe and georgi are sluts for it

 **phiphiphichit:** christophe literally changed the group chat name to ‘i’m always a slut for pizza’ and every time someone changed it georgi changed it back

 **yingyang:** omg

 **yingyang:** eMIL JUST TRIED TO DO AN AXEL AND HIS SKATES KNOCKED TOGETHER WHEN HE HIT THE GROUND AND HE JUST SLID LIKE 20 FEET ACROSS THE ICE SEND HELP

 **leomusica:** oh my gOD NOT AGAIn

\--

 **katsudon:** THISSF CHST IS DUFLL OF LOSRAS

 **twinpeaks:** omg yuu ridont be mean to teghm D: :D DL

 **katsudon:** I WILL

 **katsudon:** becaude rwe are not laoseras

 **katsudon:** jdvIKTORRRRRRRRRR

 **heymickeyursofine** : ST OPFSCRE AMING URGIVING ME A EHADCHE

 **heymickeyursofine:** oW OWUR WORDS ARehur tting my h ead

 **katsudon:** vITKORSSPLEASe

 **twinpeaks:** ugm does anyone kniwi where weh are

 **katsudon:** S PNK meDaDYed

 **heymickeyursofine:** uhmmm we’rre

 **heymickeyursofine:** georgia’s dorm?

 **katsudon:** i LOVEGEORGIA

 **twinpeaks:** but hes annyognhe brike up with anyas

 **katsudon:** WHERSFVOKER

 **heymickeyursofine:** WE LOSTVOKER

 **heymickeyursofine:** WHEReIS VOKER

 **natasharomanoff:** oh my god are you guys drunk

 **twin peaks:** ,,,, nu

 **katsudon:** rawr xD measnn i loveyou in dinoaderu

 **natasharomanoff:** dinoaderu

 **katsudon:** jhesdis fguck don’T JUDDGE mE

 **katsuon:** yoUER A LoSARZ

 **heymickeyursofine:** IM NOT ASLOSEEASR

 **katsudon:** MICHELLE ISS ALOSCR

 **twinpeaks:** FYCK UU MICHWELLE OBAMSA IS BAE

 **thehandsomestprince:** michwelle obamsa

 **natasharomanoff:** guys where’s christophe and viktor

 **katsudon:** OH MY GODFFWELOS TVOKER

 **icetiger:** i am now glad that viktor didn’t promise to coach ME

 **leomusica:** i know where christophe is

 **thehandsomestprince:** where is he

 **leomusica:** my dorm

 **leomusica:** naked

 **leomusica:** and covered in pizza

 **thehandsomestprince:**...that’s a waste of perfectly good pizza

 **twinpeaks:** WHERES MiALA

 **natasharomanoff:** i’m here babe

 **twinpeaks:** UR NOT MILA

 **twinpeaks:** IMPOSETR

 **twinpeaks:** IF YR MILA WHATS MY BRASIZE

 **natasharomanoff:** 32b

 **twinpeaks:** FALSDE

 **twinpeaks:** my boobsare FAKE and youa re3 also FAKE

 **twinpeaks:** MY BrASIZ eeis 0

 **heymickeyursofine** : omgf

 **heymickeyursofine:** *ofmg

 **heymickeyursofine:** **fomg

 **heymickeyursofine:** :-(

 **thehandsomestprince:** guys, stay where you are and we’ll come get you and look for viktor

 **phiphiphichit:** i’m already on it w/guang otabek and emil

 **katsudon:** WHERES VOKER

 **katsudon:** I WAN TT MY VOKER

 **natasharomanoff:** chill we’re going to get you your voker okay

\--

 **finestasscat:** I KNOW WHERE VOKER IS

 **ghji:** where is he??????

 **finestasscat:** ur mum

 **ghji** has removed **finestasscat** from the chat

 **ghji:** i’ll add him when he’s sober

\--

 **memetastic** has sent **wheresvoker.jpg**

 **phiphiphichit:**...did you edit his face onto nemo’s you piece of sHIT

 **memetastic:** appreciate my editing skills

 **phiphiphichit:** yayayayaya

 **leomusica:** aren’t you guys supposed to be looking for voker

 **phiphiphichit:** yeah but it’s almost 3 am and we had to stop for taco bell

 **icetiger:** does anyone remember that thing mila made us read when she got mad at us

 **icetiger:** dipper goes to taco bell

  **phiphiphichit** has removed **icetiger** from the chat

\--

 **viktory:** UM THIS THING IS TE:LLING ME TO STOPW?

 **viktory:** FuCK YOU I STOP FRO NOBODY

 **viktory:** GUTYS WATCH THIS

\--

 **yingyang:** omg do you guys need help?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! oLo

 **phiphiphichit:** yes please help us

 **katsudon:** WHERES MYF VOKER

 **phiphiphichit:** YUURI PLS WE’RE LOOKIGN FOR HIM

 **katsudon:** i want my voker :-(

 **twinpeaks:** iwant real boobs

 **katsudon:** THATS SNOTAS IMPRITANT SARA

 **twinpeaks:** FuCK YPOU I HOPE YOU NEVE GRET YOUR VOKER BACK

 **katsudon:** omg how could you

 **twinpeaks:** im sorfy for bierjgh so mean :(((((((

 **katsudon:** its oka yyoure forgvien

 **ghji:** WE FOUND VIKTOR

 **katsudon:** HWERS I S VOKER

 **memetastic:** he has a traffic light

 **yingyang:** oLo

\--

  **altinjurek** has added **icetiger** and **finestasscat** to the chat

 **altinjurek:** RISE AND SHINE, ASSHOLES

 **altinjurek:** I DIDN’T GET NO SLEEP COS OF YA’LL

 **altinjurek:** YA’LL GONNA GET NO SLEEP COS OF ME

 **phiphiphichit:** omg

 **neukdae:** spam them like they rightfully deserve

 **heymickeyursofine:** oh mygod

 **heymickeyursofine:** my head feels like dea th

 **altinjurek:** WELL I SURE HOPE SO

 **altinjurek:** HOW WOULD YOU KIDS LIKE A DELICIOUS CHOCOLATEY GLASS OF CIRCLETINE?!?!

 **phiphiphichit:** CIRCLETINE

 **neukdae:** CIRCLETINE!!!!

 **altinjurek:** GET THE MILK AND VINEGAR

 **twinpeaks:** why are yo u doing thi sto us pklase stop

 **icetiger:** hey gang!

 **altinjurek:** CIRCLETINE!!!!!!

 **altinjurek:** JHGDUQDGJQDB <GJBjhvJHvjhdvvJHVJCVJWH

 **katsudon:** Oh my god pls stop 4 us

 **altinjurek:** MIX IT TOGETHER KIDS

 **heymickeyursofine:** PLEASE STop

 **finestasscat:** i do not feel sexy

 **finestasscat:** i feel like shit

 **neukdae:** serves you damn right.

 **yingyang:** last night was wild

 **altinjurek:** i was up until seven in the morning looking for viktor i am tired as fuck.

 **viktory:** i heard my name

 **icetiger:** RISE AND SHINE ASSHOLE

 **viktory:** i am not that bothered

 **twinpeaks:** teach u syour scerets plads

 **viktory:** i’m russian

 **phiphiphichit:** WOW stereoTYPICAL

 **phiphiphichit:** i'm going to shove pokemon cards up my ass and then poop them out like pIKACHU

 **yingyang:**???????????????????????????????????

 **phiphiphichit:** i was just contributing to the spam

 **ghji:** we found your voker, yuuri

 **katsudon:** Please don’t ever mention that again

 **memetastic** has sent **wheresvoker.jpg**

 **katsudon:** I’m go ing to cry

 **viktory:** but what are we going to do about the traffic light?

 **phiphiphichit:** i’m

 **phiphiphichit:** can we keep it?

 **viktory:** i don’t even remember stealing it

 **neukdae:** the question is HOW

 **heymickeyursofine:** nobdoy cares can we just get so me aspirin

 **finestasscat:** please

 **natasharomanoff:** nah. since we found yuuri’s voker, let’s all go to sleep, yeah?

 **altinjurek:** hallelujah.

 **icetiger:** already in bed lmao

 **phiphiphichit:** yes i agree

 **ghji:** good plan!!!

 **memetastic:** good plan

 **katsudon:** Wiat don’t leave us here to suffer

 **katsudon:** Guys

 **katsudon:** GUYS

 **viktory:** i’ve been a bad voker

 **katsudon:** Viktor pLEASE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isabella is introduced. Is she alright or nah?
> 
> If someone actually made us a "Where's Voker" poster we would love you forever. 
> 
> In case anyone wanted to chat or ask us anything on tumblr--Luca doesn't have a tumblr, but Mike does, and you can find it [right here](http://theseerofdoomisunaltered.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> next chapter: A certain game is discussed, Otabek is caught at work, and everyone demands to get free merchandise from him.


	6. Who Tops?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> natasharomanoff--mila  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> memetastic--emil  
> icetiger--yuri  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> viktory--viktor  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> neukdae--seung-gil lee  
> ghji--guang-hong ji  
> leomusica--leo  
> thehandomestprince--georgi  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> theogkingjj--jean-jacques  
> yingyang--isabella

Private messaging: **natasharomanoff** and **icetiger**

 **natasharomanoff:** hey yuri if someone ever hits on you

 **natasharomanoff:** you need to tell them

 **natasharomanoff:** my name is ‘no’ my sign is ‘no’ my number is ‘no’

 **icetiger** : wtf that’s so fucking stupid why would i ever use that

 **natasharomanoff:** ;-) trust me

 **icetiger:** are u hitting on ME?

 **natasharomanoff:** um i’m gay

 **icetiger:** you’ve literally dated like 7 guys the entire time you’ve been here

 **natasharomanoff:** i’ve decided i’m done with dicks, i need some chicks

 **icetiger:**....

 **natasharomanoff:** but to be fair, yes, sara is a chick, with a dick

 **natasharomanoff:** she’s still a chick though

 **natasharomanoff:** i’m just done

 **natasharomanoff:** with those dicks

 **natasharomanoff:** dicks as in assholes

 **natasharomanoff:** i mean you know i’m not saying an actual dick is an actual asshole but you know, dicks are asses

 **natasharomanoff:** fuck

 **natasharomanoff:** DICKS ARE RUDE PEOPLE OK

 **icetiger:** that was a disaster

 **icetiger:** anyways that’s really fucking stupid why would i ever use that

 **natasharomanoff:** um in case a girl ever hits on you obvs

 **icetiger:** ew

 **natasharomanoff:** ‘ew’????

 **natasharomanoff:** dOES THIS MEAN UR GAY

 **icetiger:** NO I’M STRAIGHT FUCK YOU

 **natasharomanoff:** PLISETSKY IS GAAAAAAAY

 **icetiger:** FUCK OFF MILA

 Private messaging: **natasharomanoff** and **thehandsomestprince**

 **natasharomanoff:** HEY GEORGI, PLISETSKY IS GAAAAAAAAY

 **natasharomanoff:** G TO THE A TO THE Y

 **natasharomanoff:** *senor chang voice* HA! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

 **thehandsomestprince:** did you wake me up to 1.) tell me something i already know and 2.) quote community on me

 **natasharomanoff:** you’re no fun

 **thehandsomestprince:** mila it’s 3:12 a.m

 **natasharomanoff:** ugh

  Group: **ice gays**

 **twinpeaks:** does anyone have mysme

 **natasharomanoff:** um yES

 **ghji:** hell yeah im gay

 **memetastic:** does jumin han is gay

 **phiphiphichit:** jumin han is my daddy

 **twinpeaks:** ew

 **memetastic:** hes uglie

 **natasharomanoff:** excuse you jumin han is jumin BANNED from my chatroom

 **ghji:** omg

 **icetiger:** jumin banned

 **icetiger:** i'm going to commit

 **memetastic:** kay but jaehee is baehee though

 **neukdae:** i’m just tired of yoosung’s shit

 **ghji:** wtf yoosung is my cHILD

 **neukdae:** HE KEEPS THINKING I’M RIKA

 **ghji:** wouldn’t that get you cousin-zoned?

 **twinpeaks:** hey doesn't viktor look like v with sunglasses on?

 **phiphiphichit:**....he does

 **leomusica:** what the fuck is mystic messenger

 **natasharomanoff:** it's something all girls and gay guys play

 **icetiger:** um i play it and i'm not gay

 **natasharomanoff:** kay but yuri is gay

 **icetiger:** am not

 **memetastic:** does yuri plisetsky is gay

 **neukdae:** STOP

 **icetiger:** SHUT THE FUCK UP EMIL

 **phiphiphichit:** does yuri plisetsky is gay ?

 **natasharomanoff:** pERFECT

 **ghji:** ya ur gay, son

 **icetiger:** I AM NOT AND DON’T CALL ME UR SON

 **twinpeaks:** you’re gay

 **memetastic:** bippity boppity boo ur gay now--fairy gaymother

 **neukdae:** that is a stale, rusty meme.

 **natasharomanoff:** does yuri plisetsky is gay is an ORIGINAL AND GREAT MEME

 **yingyang:** PUSSY PUT HIS ASS TO SLEEP NOW HE CALLIN ME NYQUIL

 **icetiger:** whARTEE

 **leomusica:** whartee

 **icetiger:** I MEANT tO SAY WHAT

 **memetastic:** ISABELLA WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **yingyang:** I’M SORRY I JUST WANTED TO MAKE MY PRESENCE KNOWN

 **natasharomanoff:** whartee the fuck is going on

 **icetiger:** mila stop that’s not even funny it’s just plain fucking stupid

 **ghji:** MY ANACONDA DON’T

 **ghji:** MY ANACONDA DON’T

 **ghji:** MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS, HON

 **leomusica:** oh my gosh

 **leomusica:** look at her butt

 **icetiger:** stop

 **twinpeaks:** why

 **phiphiphichit:** um excuse you nicki minaj is fucking queen

 **neukdae:** my anaconda don’t want none. it don’t. please stop.

 **icetiger:** oh my gosh. don’t look at her butt.

 **yingyang:** omg i’m sorry what did i start

 **ghji:** it’s a cursed song it’s too catchy to not sing it

 **leomusica:** like a certain other song that we shouldn’t sing bc it’s #sexist and also #creepy

 **icetiger:** which one

 **ghji:** ....

 **leomusica:** .....

 **yingyang:** ?

 **twinpeaks:** ....

 **icetiger:**??????????????????

 **phiphiphichit:** i know u want it

 **icetiger:** oH

 **icetiger:** fuck that song

 **leomusica:** THANKS PHICHIT IT’S STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW

 **natasharomanoff:** well you could sing the weird al version instead

 **memetastic:** yeah that’s better

 **neukdae:** word crimes.

 **leomusica:** well that helps thanks

 **twinpeaks:** quality shit right there

 **ghji:** what if 707 was secretly nicki minaj?

 **phiphiphichit:** wtf

 **phiphiphichit:** don’t compare that weirdo to the QUEEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **leomusica:** i thought isabella was the queen

 **yingyang:** awe, you o7o

 **neukdae:** no she’s jesus.

 **phiphiphichit:** nicki minaj is the quEEN

 **natasharomanoff:** oh, are we going to make kim kardashian queen, too?

 **phiphiphichit:** um, don’t compare the KARDASHIANS to the FUCKING QUEEN

 **icetiger:** but who’s ass is bigger?

 **twinpeaks:** i’m not googling it

 **phiphiphichit:** like no offense to the kardashians but like

 **phiphiphichit:** nicki minaj is BAE

 **thehandsomestprince:** what did i enter

 **memetastic:** lunchtime conversations

 **natasharomanoff:** speaking of lunch, it’s almost over

 **yingyang:** i have to work soon anyways

 **phiphiphichit:** at the mall!!! i told u guys we worked at the same store right

 **neukdae:** gamestop?

 **yingyang:** you have ice skates, i have mario kart

\--

 **finestasscat:** i have an important question to ask

 **viktory:** fire away

 **viktory:** wait isabella is in the chat????

 **twinpeaks:** we added her the other day

 **twinpeaks:** when you guys were drinking

 **thehandsomestprince:** speaking of which what did you guys do with the traffic light?

 **viktory:** disposed of it

 **icetiger:** yOU FUCKING LIAR I CAN SEE IT HANGING ON THE WALL FROM YOUR WINDOW

 **viktory:** i’M ON THE SIXTH FLOOR YURI HOW CAN YOU SEE THAT

 **leomusica:** it’s not hard to miss,,,,,,,

 **heymickeyursofine:** We can see it and we’re two buildings away

 **thehandsomestprince:** yes. we can.

 **natasharomanoff:** yep

 **thehandsomestprince:** oh mila, so glad you’re here

 **natasharomanoff:** what

 **thehandsomestprince:** DID YOU BORROW MY CONCEALER AGAIN YOU ASSHAT

 **natasharomanoff:** I DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD NOTICE

 **thehandsomestprince:** YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN’T NOTICE?!?!?!?!

 **thehandsomestprince:** Ты ЕБАНУТАЯ

 **natasharomanoff:** I NEEDED IT OKAY

 **thehandsomestprince:** HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COVER THE DISCOLORATION ON MY NOSE

 **viktory:** omg

 **leomusica:** christophe didn’t you have a question?

 **finestasscat:** yes

 **finestasscat:** i’ve been thinking about it all day

 **natasharomanoff:** what is it

 **thehandsomestprince:** DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT JUST BECAUSE I GAVE YOU MY KEY FOR EMERGENCIES DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO WALK INTO MY DORM AND TAKE MY MAKEUP

 **twinpeaks:** i would’ve let her use mine if it weren’t for the obvious difference in skin color

 **finestasscat:** who tops

 **viktory:**??

 **icetiger:** what the fuck

 **finestasscat:** between mike wazoswki and sully

   **icetiger** has left the chat

 **natasharomanoff:** what

 **heymickeyursofine:** WHEFIUFBkwdbqirugRIUJH838909

 **leomusica:** that’s a good question

 **viktory:** sully?

 **thehandsomestprince:** DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM

 **finestasscat:** you think SULLY is a top?

 **viktory:** are you saying mike is the top?

 **finestasscat:** i wasn’t calling him a top

 **leomusica:** yeah sully is the top

 **twinpeaks:** mike wazowski is a powerbottom

 **viktory:** but he’s like 40% mouth and 50% eye

 **phiphiphichit:** imagine how well he succ

 **memetastic:** what

 **heymickeyursofine:** WHY IS THIS A CONVERSATION

 **leomusica:** you know how in the movies he’s always covered by like the logo or the sticker?? what if they made a porno and mike is covered by the “18+” sticker????

 **memetastic:** “i can’t believe it...i’m on a porno dvd!!!!”

 **heymickeyursofine:** EMIL WHY ARE YOU A PART OF THIS TOO

 **natasharomanoff:** i read that in his voice

 **thehandsomestprince:** STOP RUINING EVERYTHING

 **viktory:** what about randall?

 **finestasscat:** randall?? hm....

 **phiphiphichit:** he’s the ultimate daddy

 **twinpeaks:** kinkmaster

 **yingyang:** THIS CONVERSATION IS ILLEGAL

 **memetastic:** omg

 **phiphiphichit:** randall is the ultimate kinky daddy rt if u agree

 **natasharomanoff:** *clenches fish* yes

 **natasharomanoff:** fist

 **natasharomanoff:** i meant fist

 **phiphiphichit:** clench my fish dandy

 **thehandsomestprince:** STOP IT GUYS WTF

 **leomusica:** ohhh dandy....that fish is FIT

 **viktory:** FIT!!! IT’S TIME TO NAB!!!!

 **twinpeaks:** now watch me dip

 **finestasscat:** that sounds like a chip commercial

 **natasharomanoff:** FUCK YOU GUYS

   **memetastic** has sent [clenchesfish.jpg](http://theseerofdoomisunaltered.tumblr.com/image/155086409414)

 **yingyang:** oh my god

 **viktory:** but what about celia?

 **phiphiphichit:** she can stick her tentacles in me any day

 **thehandomestprince:** BYE

 **heymickeyursofine:** I’M GOING TO CRY WHAT THE FUCK

 **leomusica:** why would you want her to do that

 **phiphiphichit:** um because i have a tentacle fetish duh

 **katsudon:** I open the chat. I close the chat.

 **finestasscat:** omg

 **theogkingjj:** GUYS I WAS GOING TO BUY ISABELLA A GIFT AND I DECIDED I WANTED TO GET HER SOMETHING CUTE AND FLUFFY

 **theogkingjj:** I’M AT BUILD-A-BEAR WOKSHOP

 **theogkingjj:** YOU KNOW WHO’S HERE????

 **leomusica:** wokshop

 **leomusica:** build ur own wok

 **theogkingjj:** SOMEONE ADD YURI TO THE CHAT

   **natasharomanoff** has added **icetiger** to the chat

 **theogkingjj:** YURI LOOK WHO’S WORKING HERE

 **theogkingjj** has sent otabek.jpg

 **icetiger:** what

 **twinpeaks:** ODDIO

 **finestasscat:** omg he looks so cute in the uniform

 **katsudon:** THAT’S OTABEK????????

 **theogkingjj:** I DON’T THINK HE NOTICED ME BUT HE’S BEEN HOLDING THIS ONE BEAR THAT LOOKS LIKE TED FROM THAT MOVIE THE ENTIRE TIME

 **icetiger:** WHAT

 **icetiger:** I CAN’T BELIEVE HE NEVER TOLD ME THIS???????

 **yingyang:** oh my g-o-s-h you were gonna buy me a bear???? o7o

 **theogkingjj:** You love them don’t you B)

 **twinpeaks:** that’s adorable

 **thehandsomestprince:** anya loved build-a-bear...

 **natasharomanoff:** GEORGI.

 **thehandsomestprince:** sorry

 **phiphiphichit:** i just died because of how cUTE THAT PICTURE IS

  Private messaging: **icetiger** and **altinjurek**

 **icetiger:** BEKA

 **icetiger:** BEK

 **icetiger:** OTABEK

 **icetiger:** I FEEL BETRAYED?????

 **icetiger:** HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME

 **icetiger:** OTABEK ALTIN.

 **altinjurek:** i’m at work yuri what is it?

 **icetiger:** BUILD-A-BEAR FUCKING WORKSHOP, BEK

 **altinjurek:** oh my god

 **icetiger:** HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME

 **altinjurek:** yOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS

 **icetiger:** I FEEL SO LIED TO

 **altinjurek:** I’M SORRY IT WAS EMBARRASSING

 **icetiger:** HOW IS THIS EMBARRASSING

 **icetiger:** IT’S ACTUALLY LOWKEY CUTE BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN STABBED IN THE BACK

 **altinjurek:** you think it’s cute?

 **icetiger:** I

 **icetiger:** NEVER SAID THAT

 **altinjurek:** you just did though.

 **icetiger:** I’M NOT GAY

 **altinjurek:**...okay?

  Group: **ice gays**

 **icetiger:** OTABEK THINKS I’M GAY NOW

 **memetastic:** does yuri plisetsky is gay

 **theogkingjj:** Is this a fresh meme I smell?

 **altinjurek:** I NEVER SAID THAT YURI

 **heymickeyursofine:** How did this even occur?

 **icetiger:** I JUST SAID HIS UNIFORM WAS ALRIGHT

 **altinjurek:** that’s not what you said but okay

 **twinpeaks:** gay

 **natasharomanoff:** DOES YURI PLISETSKY IS GAY

 **altinjurek:** what does that even mean

 **katsudon:** Have you ever played Mystic Messenger?

 **altinjurek:** is that the game with the pretty boys angsting over text

 **phiphiphichit:** are you describing the game or this chat?

 **leomusica:** so otabek...when were you gonna give us some free bears

 **altinjurek:** YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT IT TOO???????

 **theogkingjj:** I’M SORRY IT’S MY FAULT

 **viktory:** free bears would be cute

 **katsudon:** Viktor don’t demand free merchandise

 **altinjurek:** no none of you guys are getting ANYTHING

 **icetiger:** fuck you

 **altinjurek:** i can get you a bear though

 **icetiger:** asshole ily no homo

 **twinpeaks:** *homo

 **icetiger:** fuck off

 **yingyang:** does yuri plisetsky is gay

 **icetiger:** FUCK OFF YOU BITCH

 **icetiger:** GUYS IT’S NOT FUNNY IF YOU KEEP REPEATING IT

 **finestasscat:** it’s always funny

 **finestasscat:** also i too want a free bear

 **altinjurek:** NO.

 **leomusica:** how much do you guys want to bet mike x sully is an actual thing when i google it

 **altinjurek:** what.

 **katsudon:** DON’T DO IT

 **viktory:** do it

 **ghji:** I JUST GOT BACK AND I’M NOT SURE WHAT’S GOING ON BUT DO IT

 **phiphiphichit:** DO IT FOR THE VINE

 **icetiger:** WAIT ARE YOU GUYS STILL DOING THIS SHIT

 **leomusica:** IT’S ACTUALLY A THING I WANT TO DIE

 ****heymickeyursofine:** ** STOP RUINING PEOPLE’S CHILDHOODS. THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION IS A HOT MESS,  A SPICY PROBLEM, A WARM DISASTER, A SCALDING CATASTROPHE

 ****victory:**** but how would they fuck if the only visible hole mike has is his mouth?

 ****katsudon:** ** VIKTOR NIKIFOROV, THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THE CHATROOM.

 ****icetiger:** ** yuuri you don't care about that

 ****katsudon:**** What

 ****altinjurek:** ** oh my god.

 ****icetiger:** ** if you truly cared, you wouldn't scream so loudly

 ****katsudon:**** WHAT

 ****memetastic:**** "viktor!!!! vIKTOR!!!!!!! MY BODY IS YOUR SKATING RINK!!!!"

 ****phiphiphichit:**** I'M

 ****ghji:** ** oh my gOD

 ****theogkingjj:** ** Oh my

 ****viktory:** ** oh my god

 ****icetiger:** ** viktor you're just as bad

 ****twinpeaks:** ** "YUURI. YUURI. ONLY I KNOW YOUR TRUE EROS, YUURI."

 ****katsudon** ** has left the chat

 ****viktory:** ** DON'T EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT

 ****icetiger:** ** YUURIIIIIIIIIIIII--EAT ME LIKE YOU WOULD A PORK CUTLET BOWL

 **viktory** has left the chat

 ****natasharomanoff:** ** oh my gOD

 ****altinjurek:** ** remove me from this chat.

 ****icetiger:**** promise to give me a free bear?

 ****altinjurek:** ** yep

 ****icetiger** ** has removed ****altinjurek** ** from the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These were all based off real conversations. God help us. Also, if anyone needs to/wants to correct stuff written or said in different languages, feel free to tell us in the comments below!
> 
> Translations:  
> Ты ебанутая--Russian for 'you moron/idiot'  
> Oddio--Italain for 'oh god'
> 
> Next Chapter: Minami attempts to get into the chat of his idol repeatedly.


	7. Minami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, since this chapter is EXTREMELY short.
> 
> The tags have been updated!!!
> 
> chickennuget, memami, yuurikatsukiisbae, iamnotminami, thekatsukifiles, blackistheneworange, spicybbqsauce, ketchup --minami  
> thehandomestprince--georgi  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> heymickeyursofine--michele  
> memetastic--emil  
> icetiger--yuri  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> viktory--viktor  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> neukdae--seung-gil lee  
> ghji--guang-hong ji  
> leomusica--leo  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> theogkingjj--jean-jacques

  Private messaging: **chickennugget** and **thehandsomestprince**

 **chickennugget:** hell mr. popovich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **thehandsomestprince:** oh my god

 **chickennugget:** i have a question concerning your gc!

 **thehandsomestprince:** what is it and how do you keep finding me

 **chickennugget:** you keep changing your screen name, not your username

 **chickennugget:** i want to know what your group chat name is please!!

 **thehandsomestprince:** i can’t tell you it

 **chickennugget:** why not???

 **thehandsomestprince:** you would just get removed

 **chickennugget:** :-(

  Private messaging: **chickennugget** and **twinpeaks**

 **chickennugget:** hello sara!!

 **twinpeaks:** hi minami!

 **chickennugget:** how are you? :-3

 **twinpeaks:** i’m wonderful! you?

 **chickennugget:** i’m great!! i’m trying to practice doing two triple salchows in a row!

 **twinpeaks:** how very ambitious of you! keep it i’m sure you’ll do great!!

 **chickennugget:** thank you very much!!

 **twinpeaks:** of course you’re welcome you small bean!!!

 **chickennugget:** can i ask you a question?

 **twinpeaks:** fire away!

 **chickennugget:** is it okay if i get added to your groupchat??

 **twinpeaks:** no

  Private messaging: **chickennugget** and **neukdae**

 **chickennugget:** please

 **chickennugget:** just for a couple of minutes

 **chickennugget:** i want to be added to your groupchat

 **chickennugget:** or at least know yuuri’s username

 **chickennugget:** i just want to talk to him

 **neukdae:** 저는 영어 할 줄 몰라요

 **chickennugget:**....what?

 **neukdae:** 저는 영어 할 줄 몰라요

 **chickennugget:** i don’t understand...

 **neukdae:** 저는 영어 할 줄 몰라요

 **chickennugget:** is that chinese?????????

 **neukdae:** 저는 영어 할 줄 몰라요

  You can no longer send messages to **chickennugget**

  Private messaging: **memeami** and **thehandsomestprince**

 **memeami:** hi there

 **thehandsomestprince:** hello minami

 **memeami:** how did you know it was me????

 **thehandsomestprince:** your new username sounds too much like your actual name

 **memeami:** AWWW DARN IT

   Private messaging: **iamcool** and **icetiger**

 **iamcool:** hello there friend

 **icetiger:** who the fuck is this

 **iamcool:** a friend

 **icetiger:**????? jj is this you because i swear to god i’ll fucking block you

 **iamcool:** no i am not jj

 **icetiger:** sounds like something jj would say

  You can no longer send messages to **icetiger**

  Private messaging: **yuuriktsukiisbae** and **natasharomanoff**

 **yuurikatsukiisbae:** hello mila

 **natasharomanoff:** ??? uh hi

 **yuurikatsukiisbae:** do you have a gc?!?

 **natasharomanoff:** ....

 **natasharomanoff:** minami is this you

 **yuurikatsukiisbae:** DARN IT

  Private messaging: **iamnotminami** and **thehandsomestprince**

 **iamnotminami:** Hello yes good day my sir

 **thehandsomestprince:** hello minami.

 **iamnotminami:** i am not minami. my username is iamnotminami.

 **thehandsomestprince:** minami please

 **iamnotminami:** I’M SORRY I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YUURI

  Private messaging: **thekatsukifiles** and **theogkingjj**

 **thekatsukifiles:** good evening sir

 **theogkingjj:** Yuuri did you change your name??

 **thekatsukifiles:** yes i am yuuri....and i accidentally left the gc can you add me back

 **theogkingjj:** Sure thing pal!!

 **theogkingjj:** Wait

 **theogkingjj:** Yuuri is in the chat now arguing about who’s the better princess, Kuzco or Ariel....

 **theogkingjj:** Who ARE you???????

 **thekatsukifiles:** my name is minami

 **theogkingjj:** Omg

 **theogkingjj:** I can’t add you

 **theogkingjj:** It’s like one of our rules sorry

 **thekatsukifiles:** drat :-(

  Private messaging: **blackistheneworange** and **altinjurek**

 **blackistheneworange:** p lease add me to your group chat even if it’s for like 5 minutes

 **altinjurek:** the user you have messaged is not in service. please do not talk to him again. he will call the police.

 **blackistheneworange:** :-(((((((

  Private messaging: **spicybbqsauce** and **finestasscat**

 **spicybbqsauce:** please

 **spicybbqsauce:** please add me to your chat

 **finestasscat:** is this minami

 **spicybbqsauce:** no

 **finestasscat:** it’s minami right

 **spicybbqsause:** what gave it away :-(

 **finestasscat:** georgi told us what’s going on

 **spicybbqsauce:** awwwwwww gee darnit :-(

  Private messaging: **ketchup** and **thehandsomestprince**

 **ketchup:** g’day

 **thehandsomestprince:** MINAMI

 **ketchup:** I’M SORRY MR. POPOVICH I JUST WANT TO TALK TO HIM TO LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS SKATING AND HOW HE WAS SUCH AN INSPIRATION FOR ME AND THAT HE IS REALLY A GOOD SKATER AND I KNOW HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE PUTS HIS MIND TOO AND STUFF EVEN IF IT’S JUST FOR 5 MINUTES I WANT TO TALK TO YUURI

 **thehandsomestprince:** why don’t you do it in person. that’s much easier

 **ketchup:** but he always runs away...

 **thehandsomestprince:** look, even if we were ALLOWED to add you i wouldn’t add you anyways

 **ketchup:** why not???????

 **thehandsomestprince:** it’s full of a lot of stuff a young kid like you shouldn’t be reading

 **ketchup:** yuri plisetsky is in that chat

 **thehandsomestprince:** IT’S DIFFERENT OKAY EVEN HE DOESN’T LIKE READING THE STUFF IN THERE HALF THE TIME

 **ketchup:** i just want to talk to yuuri :-(

 **thehandsomestprince:** give up doing it over messaging, it’s not gonna work. try talking to him in person.

 **ketchup:** oh...

  Private messaging: **chickennugget** and **viktory**

 **chickennugget:** hello mr. nikiforov sir?? i was wondering if you could just tell yuuri katsuki that he is really a nice skater and he’s a big inspiration to me and was one of the reasons i started skating even if he only participated in 1 major official skating event before coming here and he’s also the reason i decided to attend this school to better myself and get a contract with a coach once i graduate and he’s really inspired my life choices here thank you

  Private messaging: **yakovfeltsman** and **thehandsomestprince**

 **yakovfeltsman:** We need to talk.

 **thehandsomestprince:** fUCK OFF FOR THE LAST TIME

 **yakovfeltsman:** Георгий Попович.

 **thehandsomestprince:** i

 **thehandsomestprince:** SHIT

  Group: **ice gays**

 **katsudon:** FOR THE LAST TIME, KUZCO ISN’T THE BEST DISNEY PRINCESS BECAUSE KUZCO ISN’T! A! PRINCESS!

 **phiphiphichit:** KUZCO IS BEST DISNEY PRINCESS SAY AYE IF YOU AGREE! AYE!

 **ghji:** AYE!

 **leomusica:** AYE!

 **heymickeyursofine:** AYE!

 **katsudon:** ALL OF YOU ARE SO JSBQUBDJHWBJHW BJWHBJWHBWJHKE JBJHFWEJB

 **memetastic:** I STILL THINK MOANA IS BEST DISNEY PRINCESS

 **twinpeaks:** BUT SHE’S NOT EVEN A ROYALTY YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID

 **katsudon:** ARIEL IS THE BEST OKAY SHE HAD THE GREATEST MOVIE

 **phiphiphichit:** GREATEST MOVIE DOESN’T EQUAL BEING THE GREATEST PRINCESS AND NO, THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE IS BETTER IN COMPARISON

 **yingyang:** IF WE’RE SAYING WHO THE BEST DISNEY PRINCESS IS BY QUALITY OF MOVIE THEN JUDY HOPPS IS FUCKING QUEEN

 **leomusica:** fuckin furry

 **yingyang:** excuse you

 **thehandsomestprince:** G UYS I FUCKED UP I FUKC ED UP

 **ghji:** omg

 **twinpeaks:** what did you do this time

 **thehandsomestprince:** I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY TOLD YAKOV TO FUCK OFF HELP WHAT DO I DO

 **leomusica:** u dead

 **katsudon:** u hella dead

 **phiphiphichit:** how many funerals will we hold for georgi this year

 **leomusica:** we’re like on number 7 rn i think

 **memetastic:** rip

 **thehandsomestprince:** G U Y S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE GEORGI, ME MIKE PERSONALLY LOVES GEORGI I SWEAR I DO HE's NUMBER 2 ON MY FAVES IT'S JUST FUN TO MAKE HIM THE BUTTMONKEY AND ITS TERRIBLE IM SORRY 
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be a lot longer, but the next conversation held in the chat didn't flow right, so we're saving it for the next chapter. Just wanted to post this one right now as the last update of 2016! 2017 is in an hour--Happy new year, everyone!
> 
> Someone asked if there were multiple people writing this story--yes. Sort of. Luckystarship provides MikeWritesThings with a lot of these ideas, and therefore asked to be added as a co-author, like so many of our other stories, but MikeWritesThings is the MAIN writer. The only thing LuckyStarship (Luca) has written is the small segment of #toothirstyfornotes, right before they create the JJ roast chat. Other than that, Luca suggest things and Mike write them!
> 
> 저는 영어 할 줄 몰라요--Korean for I don't speak English  
> Георгий Попович--Georgi's name in Russian
> 
> Next chapter: Christophe tries to get Seung a date, Leo might be a furry, and Yuuko is finally seen (albeit in private messaging)


	8. Delicious Justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neukdae--seung  
> katsudon--yuuri  
> naatsharomanoff--mila  
> finestasscat--christophe  
> memetastic--emil  
> twinpeaks--sara  
> viktory--viktor  
> altinjurek--otabek  
> icetiger--yuri  
> yingyang--isabella  
> thehandsomestprince--georgi  
> ghji: guang  
> phiphiphichit--phichit  
> leomusica--leo

**neukdae:** i need help

**neukdae:** with love.

**katsudon:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**natasharomanoff:** BOI

**twinpeaks:** important!!!!!!!!!!

**thehandsomestprince:** I CAN HELP YOU

**natasharomanoff:** don’t accept his help

**thehandsomestprince:** excuse you um who got you together with sara

**twinpeaks:** he what

**natasharomanoff:** SHHHHHHH DON’T LISTEN TO HIM HE’S FULL OF LIES

**thehandsomestprince:** I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FLIRT

**katsudon:** Guys

**natasharomanoff:** ye you did but me getting sara was 90% my natural charm and looks

**thehandsomestprince:** i am a man of exquisite movements, refined words, and graceful charms

**natasharomanoff:** georgi when we first met 4 years ago i bumped into you with coffee and you snapped finger guns at me and i think you were trying to say “oops” and “i’m sorry” at the same time and instead you said “i’m oops”

**katsudon:** Guys.

**thehandsomestprince:** mila don’t hurt me like this

**thehandsomestprince:** DON’T HURT ME LIKE THIS TOO

**natasharomanoff:** UR SO DRAMATIC

**thehandsomestprince:** I’M IN THE DRAMA CLUB FOR A REASON I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I STARRED AS ROGER DAVIS IN RENT

**natasharomanoff:** the drama club doesn’t excuse you breaking into my darm at 3 in the morning to steal some of my eyeliner because you suddenly had an idea for a new look

**thehandsomestprince:** i apologized afterwards

**natasharomanoff:** WE HAD TO CALL THE POLICE WE WERE TERRIFIED WE THOUGHT IT WAS A BURGLAR

**thehandsomestprince:** THAT ‘NEW LOOK’ IS THE EYELINER STYLE YOU’RE CURRENTLY WEARING WHICH IF I REMEMBER YOU L O V E

**natasharomanoff:** YOU BROKE INTO OUR DORM AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE YOU PUNCHED THE WINDOW TO UNLOCK THE DOOR

**twinpeaks:** you guys fight like a married couple

**thehandsomestprince:** EW

**natasharomanoff:** GROSS?????????

**katsudon:** Wait Mila I expected but Georgi??? I woulda thought

**katsudon:** You know

**thehandsomestprince:** what

**twinpeaks:** he’s saying he thinks you’re so thirsty you’d be after mila

**katsudon:** No!

**katsudon:** Also yeah...

**thehandsomestprince:** i repeat

**thehandsomestprince:** ew

**natasharomanoff:** i can’t imagine myself w/ him

**thehandsomestprince:** same

**natasharomanoff:** we are soulmates

**thehandsomestprince:** but in the platonic sense

**natasharomanoff:** yep

**twinpeaks:** you guys are doing the Thing again

**natasharomanoff:** what

**twinpeaks:** ...nvm

**neukdae:** so if you’re done with your conversation.

**katsudon:** Omg I’m sorry continue

**neukdae:** like i said there’s some trouble involving romance.

**finestasscat:** QUI HRB JHFBWJEHFBJWhhjjhyuyuJHQHJHWEh i HEARD ROMANCE???????????

**finestasscat:** MY FRIEND WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO ME SOONER?????

**neukdae:** i wasn’t coming for you specifically, but sure.

**finestasscat:** I AM HERE TO HELP!!!!! AT YOUR BECK AND CALL!!!! I AM HERE TO BE YOUR WINGMAN MON CHER

**thehandsomestprince:** me too i’m here as well i am ready to give you romance advice i’m adopting you as my temporary son

**neukdae:** what

**neukdae:** guys

**finestasscat:** IF IT IS A MAN IT IS OFTEN HARD TO FIND THE RIGHT MAN TO HIT ON WITHOUT HAVING ANY PRIOR KNOWLEDGE TO ONE’S SEXUALITY SO MY RECOMMENDATION IS SEEING IF HE GOES TO A GAY BAR AND HIT ON HIM THERE

**thehandsomestprince:** if it’s a girl then lose the angry look, unless you think she likes the dangerous and silent type, then just buy lots of leather and let her know subtly that you are interested

**natasharomanoff:** is that how you got anya georgi

**thehandsomestprince:** I EARNED ANYA WITH MY WIT AND CHARM

**thehandsomestprince:** SHE WAS MIMI AND I WAS ROGER

**thehandsomestprince:** TOGETHER WE SUNG ABOUT DRUGS AND FELL IN LOVE IN A MUSICAL ABOUT GAY HIV-RIDDEN DRUG ADDICTS

**twinpeaks:** ...how romantic

**neukdae:** georgi. christophe.

**neukdae:** the assignment is from baranovskaya

**neukdae:** ‘describe how love can influence a skating program’

**neukdae:** i don’t know.

**thehandsomestprince:** ...oh

**katsudon:** Oh dear

**natasharomanoff:** well that’s a relief at least you won’t get any terrible advice from christophe and georgi i can help you meet me at the quad after i finish practicing my jumps

**finestasscat:** you sure that’s just it??? you don’t...really need help with romance????

**neukdae:** no.

**katsudon:** Well if you ever do we’re here to help!!!

**twinpeaks:** totally, we’re your friends, remember!

**neukdae:** sure whatever

  Private messaging:  **finestasscat** and  **neukdae**

**finestasscat:** were you just embarassed to say it?

**neukdae:** what?

**finestasscat:** it’s fine! did you wanna tell us and then backed out? i’m totally here for you mon cher!!!!

**neukdae:** i am confused.

**finestasscat:** yknow

**finestasscat:** with 

**finestasscat:** ~~~~~~LOVE~~~~~~~

**neukdae:** oh my god.

**neukdae:** please christophe don’t do this i’m fine.

**finestasscat:** are you sure?? because i can totally help you out here

**finestasscat:** i know a lot of people who are single and ready to mingle

**neukdae** : no christophe i swear to god i’m fine.

**finestasscat:** are you sure

**finestasscat:** are you 100% sure

**neukdae:** YES I’M SURE 

**finestasscat:** ok

**finestasscat:** bu i’ll be here for you

**neukdae:** CHRISTOPHE

**finestasscat:** yikes

  Group: **ice gays**

**ghji:** hjhbdmbjdjhw

**ghji:** guys

**ghji:** guess what i just fuckign found

**viktory:** what

**ghji:** g u e s s

**altinjurek:** a bomb?

**ghji:** no

**phiphiphichit:** narnia

**ghji:** i wish

**memetastic:** a leprechaun

**ghji:** no guys be serious

**viktory:** ur virginity

**ghji:** WOW

**phiphiphichit:** IS THIS SHADE

**ghji:** I’M A VIRGIN FUCK YOU OH MY GODF

**viktory:** is this any way to speak to ur idol

**ghji:** tru

**ghji:** BUT NO IM IN THE DORM,,,

**ghji:** I FOUND A LION FURSUIT

**ghji:** IN LEO’S CLOSET

**memetastic:** oh my god

**phiphiphichit:** WHAT

**ghji:** IT’S IN GOOD CONDITION AND EVERYTHING

**viktory:** omg

**phiphiphichit:** WHAT

**altinjurek:** WHY DOES HE HAVE A FURSUIT

**phiphiphichit:** WH

**phiphiphichit:** omg

**phiphiphichit:** omg

**ghji:** I DON’T KNOW

**phiphiphichit:** omg

**phiphiphichit:** WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING ASK HE’S YOUR GODDAMN BOYFRIEND

**memetastic:** not even the dankest of memes could have prepared me for this

**viktory:** nobody was prepared for it

**memetastic:** this is true

**memetastic:** is leomusica a furry

**phiphiphichit:** YES GO ASK LEO IF HE IS A FURRY ANIMAL LOVER

**memetastic:** is leomusica a furry

**memetastic:** is leo a furry animal lover

**memetastic:** is the man by the name of leo de la inglesia part of a group of animal lovers called furries

**ghji:** shut your meme ass up this is a serious conversation 

**altinjurek:** there’s no need to be so aggressive. 

**ghji:** HBJHDBJQHDBIQUDGQJDHBJBKQLHKjq

**viktory:** rip

**viktory:** noah fence but why were you snooping in his stuff anyways

**ghji:** reasons

**ghji:** bf reasons

**viktory:** if i snooped in yuuri’s stuff i wouldn’t be a very good bf

**memetastic:** #shade

**ghji:** omg 

**ghji:** no i swear it was for a good reason

**viktory:** r e s p e c t for privacy is k e y

**altinjurek:** are you giving him dating advice

**viktory:** maybe i am

**viktory:** it’s come to my attention that i’m not a very good role model for younger people

**ghji:** NO NO UR GR8

**viktory:** are u sure

**memetastic:** no viktor, you’re a terrible role model

**phiphiphichit:** give some advice to use young ones mr nikiforov

**viktory:** oh my

**viktory:** okay um

**viktory:** stay in school don’t sniff the cocaine use protection

**ghji:** im laughing

**memetastic:** thank you viktor your words have truly inspired me to be a better person

**altinjurek:** wise words from a wise man

**phiphiphichit:** ok but for real are you going to ask leo about the suit because it’s bothering me

**altinjurek:** there must be a good explanation for this

**ghji:** for some reason i can’t think of any

**viktory:** maybe it was for halloween

**ghji:** no bc we were ketchup and mustard for halloween remember

**viktory:** damn

**yingyang:** hE CALLED ME A FURRY FOR LIKING ZOOTOPIA BUT HE OWNS A FURSUIT????????

**altinjurek:** oh my god

**memetastic:** i can not BELIEVE he disrespected the QUEEN like this, the filthy hypocrite

**viktory:** we will claim justice

**phiphiphichit:** WE’LL ATTACK HIM WITH PIZZA

**thehandsomestprince:** i heard pizza

**ghji:** why pizza

**memetastic:** JUST WILL BE SWIFT!

**memetastic:** JUSTICE WILL BE PAINFUL!!

**memetastic:** IT WILL BE DELICIOUS!!!

**phiphiphichit:** YEAAAAH

**thehandsomestprince:** WHY WOULD YOU WASTE PERFECTLY GOOD PIZZA

**yingyang:** WTF GUYS NO

**yingyang:** THERE DOESN’T NEED TO BE VIOLENCE

**yingyang:** WHERE ARE THE MATURE AND RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE OF THIS GROUP????

**yingyang:** WHAT ARE THEY DOING?????

  Private messaging:  **finestasscat** and  **neukdae**

**finestasscat:** i’m just trying to be a good friend seung

**neukdae:** it’s appreciated but also no.

**finestasscat:** i just want you to know that i’m always here!!

**finestasscat:** whatever you need!!

**finestasscat:** i’m right here!!!!  <3

**neukdae:** put that thing back where it came from or so help me

**finestasscat:** <3 <3 <3

**neukdae:** NO STOP DON’T CONTAMINATE ME

**finestasscat:** love doesn’t contaminate

**neukdae:** yes it does it contaminates water and makes people sick.

**finestasscat:** :-(

**neukdae:** christophe please.

**finestasscat:** :-( :-(

**neukdae:** what can i do that will make you STOP.

**finestasscat:** i don’t know!! i just want to make sure that you know what to do when a romantic situation arises.

**neukdae:** y

**finestasscat:** because everyone deserves love and to be happy.

**neukdae:** okay if i practice pick-up lines on you will you leave me alone.

**finestasscat:** debatable but yes!

**neukdae:** ok fine

**neukdae:** um

**neukdae:** your

**neukdae:** elbows

**neukdae:** sure do look fresh

**finestasscat:** .

**neukdae:** was that okay.

**finestasscat:** BRILLIANT!!!

  Group:  **ice gays**

**thehandsomestprince:** DON’T RUIN PIZZA

**memetastic:** JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED

**phiphiphichit:** (HALLELUJAH)

**memetastic:** IT WILL BE DELIVERED WITH PEPPERONI AND STUFFED CRUST

**phiphiphichit:** (HALLELUJAH)

**ghji:** IS THIS NECESSARY

**ghji:** IT’S JUST A SUIT I’M NOT EVEN MAD ANYMORE

**yingyang:** I’M NOT MAD EITHER I WAS BEING SARCASTIC GUYS PLEASE

**yingyang:** VIKTOR WEREN’T YOU TRYING TO BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL???? SAY SOMETHING!

**viktory:** oh god

**viktory:** um

**viktory:** don’t drink if ur underage

**yingyang:** FANTASTIC ADVICE BUT NOT REALLY WHAT WE NEEDED RIGHT NOW

**altinjurek:** leo’s at the rink if you guys were wondering.

**phiphiphichit:** YEAAAAHHHHHHHHH

**ghji:** phichit pLEASE

**thehandsomestprince:** this is so wrong

**thehandsomestprince:** oh my god why are you guys doing this

**memetastic:** BECAUSE

**memetastic:** uh

**memetastic:** HE INSULTED THE QUEEN

**phiphiphichit:** RE VE NG E

**yingyang:** well i, the queen, am telling you to STOP

**phiphiphichit:** :-(

**viktory:** well i’m going to go watch a movie with yuuri bye please be good young children

**ghji:** u gross couples and never being inside the squad chat bc ur too busy d a t i n g

**viktory:** you’re just salty

**ghji:** true

  Private messaging:  **finestasscat** and  **neukdae**

**neukdae:** your eyebrows look sugar fine

**finestasscat:** okay we’re getting better!

**neukdae:** are we done yet

**finestasscat:** yes, you’re done with me

**finestasscat:** but the true test is trying it out on a different person that isn’t me

**neukdae:** what?

**neukdae:** no

**finestasscat:** cmon!!!

**neukdae:** chris, please.

**finestasscat:** look seung. i say this as your concerned friend. sometimes you just seem really lonely and angry and maybe. maybe that will be fixed if you have a datepal to be with you.

**neukdae:** is this what this is about???

**neukdae:** look no chris i’m not angry or lonely.

**finestasscat:** are you sure

**neukdae:** yes.

**finestasscat:** are you sure you’re sure

**neukdae:** absolutely.

**finestasscat:** okay but i just want you to know that i AM here for you. even if you don’t like it i am here!

**finestasscat:** i just thought that...

**finestasscat:** yknow

**finestasscat:** you might’ve been angry about me and jj and isabella and jonas and all that business

**finestasscat:** that we’re all in some big weird groupdate that you’re excluded out of

**neukdae:** christophe i like it even though you’re overbearing sometimes okay. i’m not angry or lonely. you and jean-jacques are my friends, okay?? i really do appreciate you guys. i don’t care if you’re dating each other and others at the same time.

**neukdae:** even when you do annoying shit like this.

**neukdae:** i don’t need a datepal if you’re still my friend.

**finestasscat:** ;;;;fukc

**neukdae:** what

**neukdae:** are you okay

**finestasscat:** i’m fone of cuorse;;; im bnot crying

**neukdae:** oh my god

**neukdae:** .

**neukdae:** do you want to come over and watch a movie

**finestasscat:** yeS

  Group:  **ice gays**

**icetiger:** i leave and come back to find hell

**altinjurek:** when isn’t it hell.

**icetiger:** this is true

**ghji:** hopefully leo won’t be mad i found the fursuit

**yingyang:** i’m sure there’s an explanation

**icetiger:** u mean like “i’m a furry guys”

**ghji:** yuri pls

**icetiger:** i mean it’s probably true he has a fucking fursuit

**thehandsomestprince:** why don’t,,,, you guys just,,,,ask him

**ghji:** ????

**ghji:** THAT’S A GREAT IDEA THANKS GEORGI

**thehandsomestprince:** please tell me that’s sarcasm

**thehandsomestprince:** did you not consider that before

**ghji:** i mean

**thehandsomestprince:** just leave

**ghji:** k

**yingyang:** nice to see this is settling down

**altinjurek:** tbh

**altinjurek:** not sure how i would’ve felt if this had gone to shit.

**yingyang:** how do you guys keep sane in this gc

**thehandsomestprince:** You Don’t

Messages-- **Yuri P** and  **Yuuko N**

(6:09 P.M) **Yuuko N:** Good evening Yuri! I’ve been keeping track and it’s definitely evening there. It’s noon here! 

(6:13 P.M) **Yuri P:** afternoon, Yuuko.

(6:13 P.M) **Yuuko N:** Nice to hear from you!! How have you been?

(6:15 P.M) **Yuri P:** ok. the group chat with yuuri and everyone else is wild as always.

(6:15 P.M) **Yuuko N:** I’ve been debating getting the app. Should I? 

(6:15 P.M) **Yuri P:** yeah definitely it’ll be a lot easier to use n cheaper than using up ur data.

(6:16 P.M) **Yuuko N:** I’ll consider it!!

(6:17 P.M) **Yuri P:** i’m sure the others wouldn’t mind adding you into the group chat, then you get to meet everyone firsthand and not just through the things i tell you.

(6:17 P.M) **Yuuko N:** That’d be interesting!! :-)

 Group: ice gays

**leomusica:** I’M NOT A FURRY THATS NOT MY FURSUIT IM JUST HOLDING IT FOR SOMEONE

**phiphiphichit:** i smell a liar

**leomusica:** you have no proof

**ghji:** your name is written on the tag

**leomusica:** .

**leomusica:** FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we were like,,, well christophe,, seung,,,,,, and jj,,,,,, don't seem to have many friends,,,, so why not,,,,,mAKE TheM FRiEndS
> 
> this is 2 months late sorry
> 
> next chapter: the teenage mutant ninja turtles become a magical girl anime, yuri is hella gay and georgi cries (again)


	9. #ProudFam

**phiphiphichit:** aight fellas and ladies who’s ready to be disappointed by humanity today

**natasharomanoff:** please don’t we’re still getting over leo being a furry

**leomusica:** I’M NOT A FURRY MILA

**natasharomanoff:** sounds fake but ok

**phiphiphichit:** maybe not necessarily disappointed but mildly afraid, in awe, or just wondering, ‘what the heck’

**heymickeyursofine:** Don’t

**heymickeyursofine:** Don’t do this

**phiphiphichit:** and today it’s japan’s fault

**ghji:** phichit

**leomusica:** phichit pls

**theogkingjj:** I am curious

**natasharomanoff:** phichit i stg

**ghji:** PHICHIT

**phiphiphichit:** ya’ll have heard of jesus and buddha: the anime

**phiphiphichit:** now get ready for

**phiphiphichit:** anime edgar allan poe and mark twain

**natasharomanoff** has left the group

**heymickeyursofine:** WHY

**twinpeaks:** ....how

**phiphiphichit:** it can be easily explained but long story short in the anime there’s a mafia and an agency and a tiger and bombs and a bunch of stuff happens and edgar allan poe is gay for anime sherlock holmes and mark twain is a sniper and there’s h.p lovecraft too he’s a tentacle monster

**leomusica** has left the group

**phiphiphichit:** gdi guys

**ghji:** why

**theogkingjj:** I just

**theogkingjj:** Not even I have words

**twinpeaks** has added  **natasharomanoff** and **leomusica** to the group

**leomusica:** NO STOP LET ME DIE I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT

**natasharomanoff:** SCROLLING UP AND I SEE THEY INCLUDED H.P LOVECRAFT IN THIS???? DON’T TELL ME POOR FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY OR LOUISA MAY ALCOTT ARE INVOLVED IN THIS TOO

**phiphiphichit:** actually

**natasharomanoff** : ,,,oh my god,,,,i was jokign

**natasharomanoff:** don’t tell me don’t tellme

**natasharomanoff:** i want to die in peace

**heymickeyursofine:** What next?? Are they gonna anime-itize painters too?????

**ghji:** DONT GIVE THEM IDEAS

**twinpeaks:** is anime-itize a word

**heymickeyursofine:** Probably not but ODDIO PLEASE NO

**phiphiphichit:** BUT GUYS ITS REALLY COOL THEY ALL HAVE SUPERPOWERS NAMED AFTER THEIR BOOKS AND STUFF LIKE FYODOR’S IS CRIME AND PUNISHMENT AND ALSO THERE’S LUCY MAUD MONTGOMERY AND HER POWER IS ANNE OF THE ABYSSAL RED

**theogkingjj** has left the chat

**phiphiphichit:** what

**leomusica:** you’ve offended him, he’s canadian

**natasharomanoff** has added  **theogkingjj** to the group

**natasharomanoff:** if i have to suffer so do u

**theogkingjj:** BUT WHY ANNE OF THE ABYSSAL RED DHBkjdhbKJQWDHQIUDHQJKBDW

**katsudon:** What’s going on

**leomusica:** WHAT IS YOUR COUNTRY THINKING YUURI

**katsudon:** WHAT DID THEY DO THIS TIME

**twinpeaks:** SCROLL UP

**katsudon:** Oh my god

**katsudon:** I didn’t even know this was a THING

**phiphiphichit:** there’s japanese authors too

**katsudon:** What

**katsudon:** No

**katsudon:** Phichit don’t tell me

**phiphiphichit:** akutagawa ryuunosuke and dazai osamu

**katsudon** has left the group

**ghji:** STOP RUINING PEOPLE’S LIVES

**phiphiphichit** has added **katsudon** to the group

**phiphiphichit:** SUFFER

**katsudon:** I’m crying

**katsudon:** I’m literally crying why

**heymickeyursofine:** If they make an anime about painters or singers I’m done

**leomusica:** love live

**heymickeyursofine:** I don't want to know

**natasharomanoff:** oh leonardo da vinci kun

**twinpeaks:** leonardo-sama

**heymickeyursofine:** SARA NO

**leomusica:** don’t make this a tHING

**theogkingjj:** Michelangelo-sama

**heymickeyursofine:** WHY ARE YOU ONLY NAMING ITALIAN PAINTERS

**katsudon:** Omg

**ghji:** donatello-san

**heymickeyursofine:** STOP

**phiphiphichit:** raphael-chan

**leomusica:** i’m laughing i’m sorry

**ghji:** teenage mutant magic girls

**twinpeaks:** LMAO

**phiphiphichit:** DON’T TURN THEM INTO MAGICAL GIRLS THEY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER

**natasharomanoff:** shotas in a half shell

**leomusica:** you beat me to it

**twinpeaks:** WHAT’S THE NAME OF THE RAT

**ghji:** SPLINTER

**twinpeaks:** SPLINTER SENSEI

**theogkingjj:** But don’t they already call him that???

**leomusica:** you played yourself sara

**katsudon:** Did we just turn TMNT into an anime

**natasharomanoff:** yes

**phiphiphichit:** we’ve done weirder tbh

**katsudon:** This is true. But still.

**heymickeyursofine:** I want to forget this experience

**theogkingjj:** Lol

**natasharomanoff:** FUHFUF FUCK IM WRITING MY NOTES FOR CLASS AND I MEANT TO PUT SHOOT AND INSTEAD PUT SHOTA

**ghji:** omg

**twinpeaks:** LMAOOOOO

**theogkingjj:** Speaking of notes

**theogkingjj:** Does anyone have a copy of Yakov’s notes????

**phiphiphichit:** i do but i can’t give them to you

**theogkingjj:** Why B(

**ghji:** #toothirstyfornotes

**phiphiphichit:** #toothirstyfornotes

**phiphiphichit:** DAMMIT U BEAT ME TO IT

**theogkingjj:** I STILL DON’T GET WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT MAKES ME SLIGHTLY ANGRY

**leomusica:** we can’t tell u until ur /really/ angry

**theogkingjj:** Come on Yuuri. Please tell me. You’re nice please

**katsudon:** I would but I’m petty enough to still remember you calling me too nice and therefore I won’t

**natasharomanoff:** GIVE THE MAN A ROUND OF APPLAUSE

**twinpeaks:** applause applause applause

**katsudon:** Apple sauce apple sauce apple sauce

**ghji:** yuuri please

**leomusica:** i’m blocking you every time you do that

**katsudon:** I’m sorry I’m obligated to say apple sauce

**ghji:** wall of shamed

**katsudon:** NO PLEASE I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS

**heymickeyursofine:** You wall of shame him for saying apple sauce but not everyone else for ruining the ninja turtles

**ghji:** that’s how things work mickey

**icetiger:** GUYS FUCKI NG HELP

**natasharomanoff:** omg

**twinpeaks:** WE’RE HERE TO HELP YURI WHAT

**leomusica:** omg

**katsudon:** YURI I’M HERE FOR YOU WHATS UP WHO’S HURTING YOU WHO’S ASS DO I NEED TO KICK

**icetiger:** I FEEL WEIRD

**icetiger:** I’M SCARED

**icetiger:** I THINK I’M DYING

**theogkingjj:** !!!!! DO YOU NEED A HOSPITAL

**ghji:** OMG

**ghji:** YURI OMG OMG OMG

**phiphiphichit:** I’LL CALL 911 WHAT'S HAPPENING WHAT'S THE SITUATION

**icetiger:** MY STOMACH FEELS LIGHT AND AIRY AND MY HEAD IS WOOZY AND MY CHEST TINGLES AND FEELS W A R M

**heymickeyursofine:** Describe this a little more

**icetiger:** MY HANDS R SHAKIGN

**icetiger:** I FEEL E M O T I O N A L

**katsudon:** Oh my fucking god

**natasharomanoff:** yuri,,,,,, what happened

**icetiger:** gysu

**icetiger:** holy fuck

**icetiger:** i need to die

**icetiger:** i want to die

**icetiger:** somebody mercy kill me

**leomusica:** mercy doesn’t kill, mercy heals

**ghji:** leo you fucking nerd

**phiphiphichit:** it’s hiiiiiiiigh noon

**katsudon:** GUYS NOW IS NOT THE TIME LET YURI TEXT

**icetiger:** i saw beka at the workshop pl acetoday and im

**icetiger:** im weak

**natasharomanoff:** omg

**natasharomanoff:** yuri i know what’s up with u

**icetiger:** tell me so i can make it fucking stop

**natasharomanoff:** ur gay

**natasharomanoff:** u have been diagnosed by the love doctor, i accept debit or credit but no checks, drop your payment off at my dorm

**theogkingjj:** It sounds as if you are feeling weak after seeing Otabek in his work outfit (honestly relatable) which leads us to the reasonable conclusion 

**theogkingjj:** That you’re gaaaaaaay

**icetiger:** jj i will kick you in the balls

**katsudon:** I CAN’T BELIEVE MY YURI IS IN LOVE

**katsudon:** I GIVE YOU AND OTABEK MY BLESSING TO GET MARRIED UIDED BHDJH IM SO PROUD OF YOU

**icetiger:** WTF

**twinpeaks:** i second this blessing!!! friendship blessing!!!!!

**heymickeyursofine:** Oddio

**katsudon:** I’M SUCH A PROUD DAD RIGHT NOW

**icetiger:** I’M NOT UR SON YOU FILTHY ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK

**katsudon:** VIKTOR WHERE ARE YOU

**katsudon:** YURI IS IN LOVE

**viktory:** i have arrived

**phiphiphichit:** yeah you always come when yuuri calls your name

**leomusica:** pFFFFFFT

**viktory:** but it’s true ;)

**heymickeyursofine:** STOP

**icetiger:** SHUT UP OH MY GOD

**natasharomanoff:** lmaaaaaaao

**ghji:** okay but tbh yuri

**ghji:** why are u openly sharing ur gay feelings in the gc where otabek can see

**icetiger:** .

**icetiger:** SHIT

**twinpeaks:** omg

**leomusica:** BOYYYYYY

**katsudon:** I’M REALLY CRYING I’M SO HAPPY

**icetiger:** YUURI SERIOUSLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

**viktory:** but it’s so rare to see your soft and squishy emotions

**icetiger:** i’ll see u in hell asshole

**katsudon:** I am a #ProudDad

**theogkingjj:** If Yuri is #ProudDad what does that make Viktor

**viktory:** i want to be the dad

**katsudon:** No I already claimed myself as dad

**viktory:** u can be the mom

**katusdon:** You be the mom

**viktory:** don’t want to

**viktory:** okay i am not #ProudDad but i shall instead be #ProudVoker

**icetiger:** i literally hate you

**phiphiphichit:** AND WE’RE THE #PROUDFAM

**twinpeaks:** THE PROUDEST!!!!!!

**heymickeyursofine:** Don’t speak for me Sara

**twinpeaks:** mickey :-)

**heymickeyursofine:** Yes I am indeed a part of the #ProudFam

**natasharomanoff:** #ProudSis

**icetiger:** mILA

**altinjurek:** #ProudBoyfriend

**leomusica:** HOLY SHIT

**viktory:** god

**icetiger:** WIWUDWIUDWUIE EFUIFFWE323898923@*(!!(*#!*(#&**(#!*(#*(#*(#*(*789)(&*$&*

**twinpeaks:** ODDIO

**theogkingjj:** OTABEK EXPLAIN?????????

**icetiger:** ARE U ASKING ME OUT WTF WTF WTF

**altinjurek:** is that not what people do when they find one another to be cuties

**natasharomanoff:** this

**natasharomanoff:** is this best thing i have ever read

**icetiger:** oh my god

**icetiger:** bekabekabekabeka wtf wtf wtf

**altinjurek:** you can say no if you don’t want to

**icetiger:** NO

**icetiger:** I MEAN NOT NO TO YOU I MEAN NO AS IN NO I WONT SAY NO

**heymickeyursofine:** This is a warm disaster

**phiphiphichit:** @ guang are u screenshotting all of this

**ghji:** all of it

**viktory:** otabek altin if you must date my not-official son you must first prove yourself worthy of me

**altinjurek:** how do i do this

**icetiger:** WTF NO DONT LISTEN TO HIM

**viktory:** DO FIVE TRIPLE SALCHOWS IN A ROW RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY

**katsudon:** vIKTOR NO

**theogkingjj:** WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK

**altinjurek:** i’ll do it

**altinjurek:** i’m getting emil to film it

**viktory:** but yuuri he has to be w o r t h y

**leomusica:** that’s not how you go about doing it though

**leomusica:** you gotta say things like ‘blast 80’s love songs beneath his dorm window in the pale moonlight at 2 in the morning’

**viktory:** but that’s boring

**phiphiphichit:** i cannot believe you right now

**icetiger:** VIKTOR I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

**memetastic** has sent **holyshit.mp4**

**heymickeyursofine:** WHAT THE FUCK

**theogkingjj:** OH MY GOD

**ghji:** I’M SHAKING????

**katsudon:** LOOK WHAT YOU MADE HIM DO

**viktory:** ...he is worthy

**icetiger:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OTABEK

**altinjurek:** so will you let me be your #ProudBoyfriend

**icetiger:** WELL I DONT HAVE  CHOICE NOW SINCE YOU LITERALLY JUST DID FIVE TRIPLE SALCHOWS IN A ROW

**phiphiphichit:** otabek teach me ur ways

**icetiger:** SO SURE I guess i will be your boyfriend okay

**katsudon:** I’m so proud

**natasharomanoff** : this is so pure 

~

**thehandsomestprince:** i just scrolled up and now i’m crying

**natasharomanoff:** lmao

**thehandsomestprince:** #proudbigbro

**natasharomanoff:** #proudweirduncle is what you meant i think

**yingyang:** dayum

**thehandsomestprince:** WAIT FUCK MY MAKEUP IS RUNNING

**natasharomanoff:** OMG

**thehandsomestprince:** MY MASCARA IS RUINED WHAT THE FUCK

**thehandsomestprince:** NOW I’M CRYING EVEN MORE WHAT THE FUCK

**yingyang:** love is in the air this season

**yingyang:** i’m proud to be yuri’s #ProudAunt

**icetiger:** i will never allow you or jj to be related to me in any way possible you hag

**yingyang:** too late i’m your aunt now o7o

**icetiger:** UR ONLY 3 YEARS OLDER THAN ME

**natasharomanoff:** shhhhhh yuri

**thehandsomestprince:** i blame you for my ruined makeup you little gremlin

**thehandsomestprince:** truly a younger brother move

**icetiger:** bitch you cried yourself the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's wondering, the anime Phichit is talking about is Bungou Stray Dogs. What a wild concept. 
> 
> Next chapter: Mystery Man makes an appearance and the true clusterfuck that is the relationship of Isabella/JJ/Christophe/+Mystery Man is revealed. Seung's kind of the awkward fifth wheel but that's fine. Also, completely unrelated to that subject, someone will probably die.


End file.
